Nathan Meets some Mexicans... and talks some shit.

[Nathan Benjamin]

DISCLAIMER
Should you, your family, or anyone you care about.. [or don't give a rat's ass about.. like that Canadian Cunt Hoser...] watch this segment, the OWF, and the afore mentioned guys are in no way responsible for your actions, which may incluse as a result, but are not limited to the following, severe epileptic seizures, brain freeze, "getting religion" and running out in the street, blugeoning Lone Wolf fans with a mallet.. and not those sissy ass rubber ones either.. we're talking rawhide baby.. the REAL shit. So.. that being said, enjoy the show, and remember.. Nathan is Cool... Marcus Ash is a tool, and Gary Fray got caught feeling up old ladies at the nursing home swinmming pool.

The OWF.. in association with absolutely no one at all.. are somehwhat proud to offer to you the latest Nathan Benjamin segment... .....
Nathan meets the Mexican Ninja Security team!

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Our Cameras pan in from darkness to reveal The front of a Marriot Hotel. But Not just any old Marriot.. oh HEEELL no.. this is the Marriot that your next OWF Heavyweight Champion... is staying at.. yup.. you got it right essas... the Man himself.. "Golden State's God of Wrestling" Nathan Benjamin, and of course his ever present Manager, Benny the Cameraman. As We see the front of the hotel, We also see that someone is sitting outside the front steps in what appears to be a lemonade stand. We can also hear some music being played in the background, and upon closer inspection we come to find that it is none other than Less than Jake's new Album "Anthem" So as the Songs play, and the cameras get closer to the "lemonade stand" We see that it's not really a lemonade stand at all.. That in fact, it's a signup booth.. but for what?

"Yeah people... step right up and sign up for the Nathan Benjamin security team.. C'mon people.. great pay.. medical benifits.. travel... all kinds of shit.. step right up. Get your free 8X10 glossy just for signing up.. let's go!!!" The ragged cameraman called out, his raspy voice crushing the quiet afternoon mood.

As we are watching there are about ten people in the group. five of them are Canadians, four are Mexican, and one of them looks like Osama Bin Ladin.. Osama is the first one to step up.

"Arabic jibberish " Osama says, rather loudly. Although it ought to be noted that you, as fans cannot know that this is in fact Osama Bin Ladin, because he's wearing a Sting Mask.

"What ?" the drug dealing cameraman asked, a confused frown etched across his features.

"more arabic jibberish!!" Bin ladin screams, his hands a blur as he tries to get his point across.

"Uhh.. I don't speak arabic dude." Benny assures him, slowly, and emphatically.

"Still More Arabic jibberish." Osama says, almost shaking now.

"ENGLISH DUDE!! Anglais pour fa voire." Benny screamed back, now all in the man's face... or as much as a five foot seven guy could be in a seven foot Arab's face.

"again with that Arabic shit." Osama's voice is more relaxed now, but still bears a bit of the same intensity that we've come to appreciate form all his videos (* I do not appreciate his videos.... that was a jok*)

"Look man.. NO N-O... you cannot join... NEXT!" He looks around Osama to the remainder of the line.

Osama sensing that he has been refused... yells some arabic obsceneities and runs away. The next person in line steps up. he is dressed in a cops outfit, but his gut is such that the bottom is hanging out. He's also eating a twinkie.

Benny considers the man for a moment... eyes in pastry, but decides against it and waves him off dismissively. "Uhh... NO... NEXT."

"Hold on eh? You're not even going to interview me Eh?" The obvious canadian asks, a little bewildered.. perhaps hurt.

"No dude... you're to fat.. and plus... you're a pig."

"Aww.... ok.. Now i'll have to go home and drown my anguish in a big ol tub of Ice Cream eh...... Gonna gain aboot 5 pounds tonight eh. "

"Good good.. Vaminos!!" Benny says...shooing the fat man away

So the fat guy leaves.. and the next guys step up.. they are a group of four, and they are dressed in Ninja costumes. The leader steps up.

"Hola! I am senor Julio Demonatus Chavez, and this is my posse.. the Mexican Ninja Security team... We have been doing security for a long time. We are also an alt rock band in our spare time. Care to hear a song essa?" The apparant leader of the troupe says confidently.

"Huh? Mexican Ninjas?"

Julio nods and indicates his group with a nod. "Yes... We are all masters... Well.. except for Larry.. he's white..."

The albino ninja in the back calls out indignantly. "Hey homey.. you don't gotta say that essa... I'm as Mexican as you are. See.. I'm wearing a sombrero aren't I?"

"Yeah... and you're as white as a paper plate." Julio says, eliciting laughter form all the real mexicans.

Larry crosses his arms, looking away form the group. "HATER." He says angrily, eliciting yet another chuckle form the group. Benny laughs as well.

Benny checks his watch. "So are you guys good?

"Yess vato.." Julio nods, " we are de best.

"And how much do you want to get paid?"

Julio mulled it over for a few seconds, then conferred with his posse in rapid fire spanish. "WEll... We'll work for cheap."

Benny's face lit up... cheap was one of his favorite words... well.. after all the druf related ones. "Like... 5 bucks every time you beat someone's ass?"

"Ten."

Now it's Beny's turn to mull it over.. he doesn't think on it too long however. "Uhh... Deal. You guys are hired."

"Killer B!!" Larry Greencalls out from the back

"Where dude... I'm alergic to Bees!" Beny ducks down beneath his booth with the quickness.

"No dawg... nevermind.. where is de room?" Larry Green asks.

"Well..."

Benny looks around... up at the hotel... wondering if they would allow the Mexican Ninjas to come in, Deciding that they ought to, he begins to leave, but is stopped by Julio.

"Nevermind that now essa.... where is this "Nathan Benjamin" ?"

Benny shrugs "Oh.. Nathan is in the gym.. he ought to be back any time now though... "

Julio nods. "He is a wrestler yes?"

"Yup"
"Dope dawg." Larry Green said, slapping Benny on the back "I love de wrestling shit eh.

"dope? Weed.. where?" He looks around eagerly.

"Damn B.. you white!

Benny shrugged again. "Uhh.. oh.. whatever dude.. Umm.. OK.. THE REST OF YOU GUYS CAN LEAVE... Applications are OVER.. the JOB HAS BEEN FILLED."

The rest of the applicants leave, and The M.N.S.T help Benny take down his little stand and pack all the gear up to the hotel room. After putting it all away, they get some beers and chill. Benny puts on some Bowling for soup.

Benny takes a sip of his beer, Guinness of course... brought form home, because Camaniands can't make good beer... "So you guys are an alt rock band too?"

"Si" Julio nods. "We play small venues.. like bars and stuff."

"Awesome. Hey I forgot to ask.. what are the rest of your names?"

Julio indicated the two brotheres sitting beside him. "This is Savio and Jorge Menendez.. Jorge is our fat ass Bass player, and Savio plays guitar, and is second in command of the Security team."

"Oh.... cool.. well...."

As Benny is about to speak, the door opens and Nathan Benjamin walks in. He's got his gym bag with him, and is dressed like he was working out, which he was.. SO Nathan walks in, sees the Security Ninjas, and looks at Benny.
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"Lawn people?" Nathan asks, stopping in the midle of the floor and dropping his gym bag.

Benny shook his head. "No.. Security Ninjas dude.. isn't it awesome?"

Julio gets up and walks over to Nathan. The Mexican ninja grabs the young grapplers hand and looks him in the eye.

"Sir..." Julio almost whispers, "We will die for you.. we will make a sacred oath of our Ninja honor to make sure you will never be harmed. We will kill anyone who tries to touch you!!

Nathan looks at Benny, his apprehension apparant. Uhh... "

Savio Menendez gets up, nodding vigorously. "Si essa... we will cut and slash and kill all of your enemies!"

"Si vatos.. they will die at our hands holmes." Larry Green shouts, standing up on the couch,

"Benny.. dude... "Nathan begins "all I wanted was some security for when I beat Hosers ass this week." Nathan says, "not some Ninja assassins."

"Hey vato.. we are also an alt Rock band.. in our spare time."

Benny nods like a kid asking his dad for a new toy. "Yeah Nathan.. can we keep them around.. they're good security."

"Uhh." Nathan begins, but is soon cut off by Julio.

"We will work for burritos."

Nathan smiles. Of course, the thought of having a ninja security team working for me makes me smile too... I don't have one though... but if I did.. and they worked for burritos... I'd be happy as well. "Done! Now then.. about all this killing ans slashing business. I only need you guys to make sure no fans get to close, and that no one messes with me.. cool?"

"Oh yes holmes... we will do that... " Julio affirms, looking at his team. "And we will also play at any funtions you wish to have... free of charge.

"Good... cool. Ok.. Now then.. Benny... We need to do a promo for this match tommorow.. you got a tape to take to the studio?" Nathan asks, dropping onto the recliner opposite the ninjas..

Benny reaches behind the seat, pulling out a VHS cassette "Yeah dude. let's do it."

Julio rises, adopting a ninja-esque pose. "We will guard the entrances and make sure no one interupts the promo that you will do.. Ninjas!"

No sooner than he says it.. Jorge Menendez throws down a smoke bomb... and the Ninjas Vanish.

"WEll.. uhh.. that was interesting." Nathan says, grabbing a beer from the minifridge beside his chair.

There is a knock at the door. When Nathan opens it, Larry Green, the Whiteboy Mexican drummer ninja is standing outside. He looks at the wrestler a bity sheepishly. "Uhh.. Hey holmes.. I left my ninja mask in there.."

"Oh.. ok.

Larry Green goes and gets his mask, before running back out.

Benny scratches his head. "Hmm... uhh.. anyways.. Nathan.. I'll get the camera."

Benny leaves, coming back moments later with the big hulking camera that he always carries to ringside. Nathan meanwhile, plants himself in a chair, and tries a few facial expressions before settling on a casual, but not quite relaxed look. Sort of a... pseudo badass expression.

"Well shit.. uhh.. ok Nathan.. what do you think Hoser will try to do in the match tommorow?" Benny says from behind the camera.

"Well.. he'll probably say.. ow... get off me.. i give up.. tap tap tap. I submit."

"Oh.. heh heh yeah.. well, I mean what do you think his strategy will be for the match?"

Giving a dismissive shrug, Nathan continued. "Who knows... who cares.. that loser doesn't really need to come out and say much of anything.. All he needs to do is come out.. aknowledge that he is in the ring with THE superior wrestler.. ME. Then maybe he could ask for some help with his problem. you know.. his "I'm a big pussy and don't know but maybe three moves, and one includes pissing myself when faced with the awesome display of wreslting talent that Is Nathan Benjamin" problem. But hey.. it's all good dude because I'd end up kicking his ass whether he tried shit or not so it really doesn't matter. In fact.. I think I'm going to kick his ass worse now because he IS such a puss. And of course because he talked about my moniker, and called me trash."

Benny hid a smirk. Or course Hoser never said that, but the cameraman had secretly told Nathan about a promot at Hoser had done on a radio show. "Yeah.. I remember that." He said grinning.

"Yeah.. See.. Newss flash Right? I'm called "Golden State's God of Wrestling" because I'm THE perfect wrestler, like I said before. There is no one ABSOLUTELY NO ONE better than Nathan Benjamin when you get into the ring. I can wrestle rings around anyone and everyone in this company. Lone Wolf, Gary Frat, Marcus the bitchmouth Ash, and especially YOU.. See you might think you have everything locked up.. But I got this one thing that you don't have. this just one little thing.

Benny nodds knowingly. "Fame? Money? Bitches?"

Nathan shakes his head. "Nope. TALENT. I've got more talent in my little finger, than that punk has in his whole body, and I've got the brains to use it. See some guys have alot of raw talent, and no brains, others have alot of brains but no talent.. Me? I have a ton of both.. I'm Very educated, and I'm unbeatable in the ring. ... Add that to the fact that all the fans love me, and all that.. I cannot lose. Especially to a guy who thinks a piece of fucking ham is bacon... Dude.. come one.. seriously. come tommorow, when I get into the ring with your punk ass.. two things will certainly happen, one will be that you ARE going to tap out, but before that.. you will certainly realize that you've made a big mistake and that you could never, would never, and will never be able to beat Nathan Benjamin. dude.. you had better just get ready to lose not only the match but your pride too. So get ready, because Tommorow is the big day man. The big Day where you become a stat, the first of many victories for the man of 5000 holds. So get a good night's sleep.. eat a hearty breakfast... and say your prayers.

Benny pipes up once again form behind the camera, "Yeah.. and take a dump, that helps too."

"What?!"

"Hey.. I saw that on Jenny Jones dude." Benny answers, the cameram rocking a bit as he shrugs.

Nathan smirks slightly as he stares into the camera. "Oh.. well whatever man.. So Hoser.. tommorow.. when you're looking up at the lights, trying to figure out how it all happened so fast.. just remember that I told you so. And just remember to that captain Ass Clawn Marcus Ash for putting you in a match that you could never have won."

"Yeah dude.." Benny interjects "Get ready for that ass to get beat heh heh heh"

As our heroes have a good laugh, there is some commotion in the hallway. Nathan and benny look at one another and decide to go check it out. when they get into the hallway, we see that the Mexican Ninja Security team has apprehended a maid who was coming to change the bedding. one of them has her up agians t the wall while the other three search her cart. Nathan and Benny just shake their heads as the scene comes to a close.

This Segment has been paid for by a generous donation from the great people at Mountain Dew.. because we plug their shit whenever we get a chance... sometimes gratuitously (sp?) So enjoy.. and remember.. drink mountain dew.... a loser like you doesn't need those sperm anyways!