OWF Show

[The Lone Wolf]

This may already be around somewhere, but I found this on my computer, so here ya go. I also have the first Iron Man, but I know that's on here somewhere:

[The television sparks to life as an infomercial of blousant, the breast enhancer, goes off the air. Suddenly the scene changes…]

[The OWF presentation of Sunday Night Onslaught is still a few hours away as the scene opens on the massive mile one stadium in St. Johns Newfoundland. The sky has been torn open in a rampage of rain, something you become accustomed to in this city. Despite the bad weather, fans are scattered around everywhere in the hopes to catch a glimpse of some of the greatest superstars to every walk into the city. They hold up signs and cheer beneath the slippery veil of umbrellas as a small car pulls up. From within it, a slender man wearing a closely worn trenchcoat darts out and heads towards the back of the building…then, the scene cuts to backstage in the arena. A rather large man is watching one of the arena fire exits. Then, there is a pounding on the door. The man hesitates, but opens the door. In steps Ken Holbrook, with a trenchcoat tightly wrapped around him. He taps a silver Jester-headed cane against his feet, knocking dirt from his boots to the floor.]

Holbrook: Sheesh, will you look at that weather? What kind of person would actually choose to live in a place like this?

[He starts to walk past the bouncer, but is stopped by a rather meaty arm blocking the hallway.]

Bouncer: You can't come in here, buddy.

Holbrook: Buddy? Do you know who I am?

Bouncer: Nope.

Holbrook: I'm Ken Holbrook, manager extraordinaire. I manage the Japanese Tornado, Uesugi.

Bouncer: Never heard of 'im.

Holbrook: Of course you never heard of him. He has yet to debut here in the OWF.

Bouncer: Well, I think you're full of crap. How do I know you don't work for Pro Wrestling Illustrated, or something?

Holbrook: PWI? Do they still exist? Listen "door-man", I'm sure you've heard of "Bad News" Leroy Brown?

Bouncer: Sure.

Holbrook: Well, I'm his personal finance director, and weapons-handler. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.

Bouncer: [shooting his arm out to block the hall again] Bad News? I thought he was dead.

Holbrook: [shouting] Of course he's not dead! He's in perfect health. [hesitating] Well... he's in acceptable health anyway. And anyway, I don't care whether you know who I am or not. I've got a job to do here tonight, so you'd better get out of my way.

[The big man turns, and stands face-to-face with Holbrook. He speaks in a menacing tone.]

Bouncer: And what if I don't?

[Ken Holbrook stands face-to-chest with the big man, but tries up pump himself up to the best of his ability.]

Holbrook: I used to wrestle, you know.

Bouncer: Really? Well, I used to be a hockey player.

[Holbrook immediately backs down from the man. He gently taps the man on the chest with his cane.]

Holbrook: Well then, maybe I should just leave.

Bouncer: [nodding] Maybe you should.

[Ken turns to leave through the open fire exit, but stops. He quickly turns, and points behind the bouncer.]

Holbrook: LOOK! A BREAKAWAY!

[The bouncer turns his head for a split-second, and Holbrook tattoos him with the silver head of his cane, dropping the big man to the floor. He raises the cane above his head to strike again, but seeing that the bouncer is unconscious, he stops. Adjusting the lapels of his coat, he brushes some dirt from the garment.]

Holbrook: Obviously a defenseman. It's a shame. Some people just don't respect a Jester.

[He takes a second to hawk a mouthful of spit onto the downed bouncer, and shut the fire exit door. Then, whistling "We're off to See the Wizard", he casually walks down the hallway, and disappears around a corner. The scene then cuts to back outside the arena where the fans begin to scream as the one and only Hoser walks out of an alleyway, kinda shocked by the sudden appearance of so many people, and desperately trying to hide the redness in his eyes.]

Hoser: Je…sus, can’t a man have a joi…ah…piss without a horde of fruitcakes around to bother him…eh…fuckoff!

[The fans cheer louder as Hoser begins a short jaunt to the building…but suddenly from out of the crowd, like sharks, Three ninja’s with numbers writing on their chest leap out in front of him. It is the shinobi’s…1…2…and 3, adorned with his bamboo cane.]

Hoser: Hey, didn’t you jackasses get your ass thrown off the tower…why the hell are you back for eh, another one?

[Shinobi 1 and 2 make a charge towards the OWF’s resident addict but are stopped by the outstretched arms of their apparent leader.]

Shinobi 3: So, you want to challenge the entire fed hey, well, you are going to have to go through us first…Shinobi’s Attack!

[All three Shinobi’s roar into the half dazed Hoser, tearing into him as they begin to roll around on the wet concrete. Suddenly the sounds of the crowd come to a halt as Hoser begins screaming…]

Hoser: NO!!!!!!!! That’s Alcohol abuse!!!!!!!!

[The camera peers back to the show the LWA legend and resident pimp, Pimp Daddy Pug, pouring a bottle of beer on the ground. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a strange energy comes into hoser and he flips the three Shinobi’s off him and tumbling down the concrete steps.]

PDP: I told you this challenging the whole fed would get you intro trouble.

[Hoser runs to PDP and drops to the ground, almost crying as he peers down at the spilt beer…]

Hoser: She was so young…sniff…

[Suddenly, a jet-black Kawasaki ZX-6R motorcycle comes flying around a corner and down the ramp past the duo and pulls into the wrestlers entrance. The rider’s face is hidden behind a dark faceplate and a flame red helmet. A long black Regalin whips in the wind behind the rider as the motorcycle flies inside the arena. The motorcycles flies through the parking garage at an insane speed until the rider throws the back end around causing the bike to skid to an abrupt halt. A black booted foot lead by legs clad in worn blue jeans clamors down on the pavement as the man steps off of his bike. The camera swings around behind the man as he takes off his helmet to reveal medium length snow-white hair. The man barks a casual order to a valet, and then disappears into the back. The scene then cuts to a strange yet by now very familiar message…]



WARNING

The following program contains scenes of violence, sex and other portraits of real life. It is not intended for people who are so blind they are afraid of their own shadow. Viewer discretion is advised but will be completely fucking ignored.



[The scene then cuts to the epitome of pure blackness…and slowly, very slowly, we can here a familiar voice…]

Voice: The Outlaw Wrestling Federation…ah, what a ride it was.



Voice: Some of the best wrestling in the world today, and all culminating at Very Bad Things…the greatest pay per view spectacular in the history of wrestling…

[Again, like a heart beat…another puff of smoke breaks through the blackness…]

Voice: It is a night that will certainly be remembers…half the god damn fed spent the following months in the hospital…the rest were sent to jail. The bills…my god the expenses were just too much…the reapertron…law suits…the electrical equipment…the zambonie…the front end loader…all of it had cost money…

[Once more…directly on cue, we see another puff of smoke but this time followed by a strange figure in the darkness…]

Voice: Yes…somebody had to pay for that…and he paid alright…right after I gave him full control that night, and then he shut us down…but of course he had all those bills…haha…but the time has come…I have scrapped and saved…and now…and now…

[Suddenly the figure burst out of the smoke revealing dirty long black hair, a heavily worn black duster, and a smug unshaven face holding up a sweet Cuban cigar…It is Marcus “The Reaper” Ash…]

Reaper: And now it is time for the Reaper to return…for the OWF to return…welcome back to the dance baby…the dance…with the Reaper…

[As Ash smiles, “Enter Sandman” begins to echo over the PA system and then suddenly a rush of images floods the screen. We see Black Knight wiping out the OWF referees in the kid skull trophy match…this is followed by a shot of Eric Extreme leaping off the top of the ladder onto the bear trap with Rick Valmont. This cuts to a rush of images from the Jimmy, Thorn, Rothchild match finally ending in the shot of Philipae delivering the “No laughing matter” on Thorn off the top turnbuckle to the table on the concrete. This cuts to show Philipae riding the zamboni and Tori trying to get Curtis Slamm off the ladder. We then see DN2 assaulting Drake Raynor and Archangel, Gabriel igniting Paco, and then Archangel chokeslamming Raynor onto the electrical equipment. We see Philipae’s face, and then a cut to the shinobi’s assaulting the tower, Rick Valmont breaking through the reapertron in the front end loader, Philipae delivering the cannonball from the second cage to a taped down Curtis Slamm on the LWA announcer tables, Bad News flying out the door of the send cage, Thorn hitting the double take on Philipae in mid air…Archangel delivering the divine intervention drop kick on Brian Thorn from the top of the tower to the zip line, Archangel being hung off the tower by Raynor, Raynor falling from the rafters with a guillotine leg drop on Archangel on the top of the tower, Archangel crucifix powerbombing Raynor from the top of the cage, a bunch of ducks cashing Cid, Gallivan and Browski, and finally Archangel holding the OWF World Outlaw Championship high above the tower as the fans go nuts…this cuts to…]







[As the song continues the scene cuts to the thousands of screaming fans inside of mile one stadium, the site of that epic pay per view, only 5 short months ago. Fans are screaming to the top of their lungs and holding signs like…”Archangel, king of the tower”, “Roy, you owe me ten bucks”, “I love you Brian Thorn”, “Judgement day is coming!”, “ Raynor will destroy Archangel”, and finally, “Is that you Tom?”. The camera pans around once more until finally the music stops and a sudden blasting of static erupts over it’s massive speakers as the lights dim and soon the solemn words of Nirvana’s “Lake of Fire” begin to echo…]

Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July…

[Suddenly another blast of static triggers a very familiar voice which speaks simply…“Lets Dance…”, as a Gunshot sounds bringing to life the disturbing sounds of Marilyn Manson’s “AntiChrist Superstar”. The fans explode as the pictures of a hand of poker cards, three 8s and two aces, Dead mans Hand, shimmers over the Reapertron and is replaced by pictures of strip clubs, bar room brawls, the anatomy of a shotgun and the gleaming black hull of a 1969 Dodge Charger 426 hemi. A pulsing gray and black light begins flickering wildly around the crowd and then, step by step, two dirty black boots caress the stage followed by the duster wearing, long haired, unshaven smug face of the one and only “President” Marcus “The Reaper” Ash. His eyes hid by his silver sunglasses as in one hand he holds his finest double barrel shot gun while gambling away his life in the smoke of a sweet Cuban cigar. His arrogant face erupts into a slick smile as he stares around the arena, the crowd administering his self-proclaimed godhood, or more correctly, anti-godhood. Every chant from the crowd brings Reaper closer and closer to the ring, until finally he leaps upon the apron, steps through the ropes, and stand like a god in the middle, his arms stretched high, and the roar around him seemingly making him a deity. He lowers his arms and reaches for a mike, steadily smiling as he paces around the ring in anticipation.]

Reaper: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO THE OUTLAW WRESTLING FEDERATION!!!!!

[The fans absolutely erupt as Reaper’s smile increases tenfold.]

Reaper: Well fans, before I get into anything, lets bring out the staff. But first and foremost, let me introduce our brand new resident babe, she is the OWF’s new announcer…she is the sexy, the sensuous, Aspen Sandstrum!

[Suddenly, “Mary Janes last Dance” by Tom Petty begins to echo over the speakers as the hooting and hollering begins. Then, an amazingly beautiful light haired brunette steps onto the entrance ramp tightly wrapped in a low cut blue dress that barely contains her very endowed curves and flawless figure. The men in the crowd nearly go insane as she glances her bright blue eyes here and there and finally steps into the ring with the aid of the womanizing Marcus Ash.]

Reaper: Ok Ms. Sandstrum…the mike is yours…

[The crowd cheers as the beautiful Aspen Sandstrum takes the mike.]

Aspen: Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you at this time, he is the 7’0” monster and personal associate of Mr. Ash, he is…T-Rex!!!

[The Reapertron comes to life as the images of “Jurassic park’s” T-Rex releases a deafening bellow. Seconds later the sounds of Alice Cooper’s “Feed My Frankenstein” rampage over the speakers. Step by step the 7’0” monster walks out of the curtains. He stands on the entrance ramp complete with his gray and brown combat pants and boots, and smirking unforgiving face. He crosses his arms and surveys the crowd before finally giving in and waltzing to Reaper’s side.]

Aspen: Coming to the ring, he is the legendary man of plaid, the OWF commissioner and the one man responsible for maintaining any amount of sanity in the OWF, he is, Cid!!!!!!!

[The Reapertron sparkles into an array of red and black plaid as the sounds of War’s “Why can’t we be friends” brings a cloud of laughter and cheers from the awaiting audience. Then, moments later, the legendary one himself walks onto the entrance ramp dressed in a plaid tuxedo. He smiles as he walks his middle-aged body to the ring and climbs inside.]

Aspen: Making his anticipated return to the OWF, he is our personal tool of destruction and food consumption. He is the special security enforcer who will be ringside for all matches. He is the sexiest man over 700 pounds and is a master of Sumo, he is Seun!!!

[An entourage of video shows the massive Seun sitting and eating at multitudes of different all you can eat restaurants. Then, the sounds of Right Said Fred’s “I’m too sexy” blast over the speakers. Almost as if he is shaking the building as he goes the titanic sized sumo steps out from the curtains and waddles his way to the ring complete in his Sumo gear as well as a shirt saying simple…”OWF Security, You can run…but I can roll”. Seun steps to the side of the ring and crosses his arms with discipline.]

Aspen: And now, for his very first appearance on Sunday Night Onslaught…he is the head referee, he is, the Big Bad Wolf, DI Rogers!!!!!

[Suddenly the lights begin to glow in a deep olive drab and forest green, back and forth like a kind of Camouflage. We hear the sounds of an army marching in the distance…and then the sounds of the drill instructor telling his men to stand at attention. Then, without warning…”Three little pigs” by Green Jelly begins to play. Moments later, a tall man of supreme physical build, wearing olive drab combat pants, black combat boots, a refs shirt, dog tags, a host of army style tattoos, a large gray mustache, black sunglasses, and a wide brim army hat over his 50 year old bald head, holds a drill stick high in the air then salutes the crowd with precision. He is unmistakably, the one and only Big Bad Wolf, DI Rogers…]

Aspen: And now, for the OWF’s commentating team. They are the dynamite duo of Sunday night mayhem and laughter…and they are back for one more go at it, let me introduce to you, Dutch McCoy and “Grumpy” Richard Edison!!!

[The fans go nuts as the fanatical sounds of the Cherry Poppin Daddies “Zoot Suit Riot” blares over the sound system while the two jewels themselves walk upon the entrance ramp. Dutch McCoy walks in dressed with a decent suit but foolishly topped of with a giant white mustache and a massive colonial hat. “Grumpy” Richard Edison comes out with a straggly old business suit that looks as if it had been worn for the past week. His hair is a mess and he looks very pissed off for some unknown reason. Dutch makes a fool of himself as he walks to the commentators booth while Grumpy simply puts his hands in his pockets and slowly walks behind him. As they reach the commentating table the suit up in their headgear and get started…]

Dutch: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are home, finally after five long months, we have returned.

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Why are you so upset already? You were happy during the week when you agreed to sign on.

Grumpy: Yes…I was…that was when I thought Johnny Gallivan was going to be my broadcast partner…instead I am stuck back with you again.

Dutch: But is that really so bad.

Grumpy: Oh, I don’t know, let me think about it for a second…yes…

Dutch: Well, It looks like Ash isn’t finished.

[Reaper takes the mike away from Aspen as he leaves the ring and sits at ring side. DI Rogers does the same while Cid and T-Rex stand fast at Reaper’s side.]

Reaper: Ah…it is certainly good to be back. So, now that the pleasantries are over, we can get down to business. And in our business, that means the shit is going to hit the fan!!!!!

[The fans go nuts…]

Reaper: Firstly, I would like to inform everyone that starting next week the OWF will be going on tour and the first stop is in Halifax, Nova Scotia!! Now, let me be the first to congratulate our first very OWF World Outlaw Champion! Give Ar…

[Suddenly "Refust/Resist" begins to blare through the arena soundsystem, and an all-too-familiar figure steps through the entrance curtain. It is "Bad News" Leroy Brown, and he is wearing a ratty pair of jeans, and a blood-stained white T-shirt. On the shirt, in black script, the phrase, "Just When you Thought it was Safe to go Back in the Ring..." can be seen. Bad News carries with him a bamboo cane, which he swings haphazardly at the crowd as he swaggers towards the ring. Once there, he rolls under the bottom rope, and inside. He pulls a microphone out of his back pocket, and proceeds to speak.]

Bad News: I am sorry Ash, but I got a few things to I need to get of my chest. Now…[gazing out at the audience] I'm glad to see so many of you are still around. I would have thought that you'd all be on the business end of a noose without your beloved Magnificent Bastard. Now, I won't bore you with all of my antics over the last few months. But, I will say this... It's been too long. The big dog is back in the yard, and I'm anxious to show everybody that I still got what it takes.

[The crowd gives him his usual reaction, to which he offers a smile.]

Bad News: First off, I'd like to thank everyone who still believed in me, and told me that I would be an important part of the OWF. [he scratches his stubbly face] Wait a minute... nobody believed in me! Of all the guys I talked to about coming back to the ring, not one of them had anything encouraging to say. They all had the same thing to say... "You're too old... you're too banged up... you're too ugly." Well, except for the last point, they may be right.

[He paces around the ring, rapping the cane across the top rope to emphasize important points.]

Reaper: Whoa, whoa, whoa smiley.

Bad News: WHAT!

Reaper: Everybody knows you’re too old, too banged up, and well, you’re the ugliest man I have ever seen. [Gives a look over to T-Rex and then to Cid.] Well…one of them. So, since everybody knows that, then why the hell did you have to come out here repeating it? Do you actually have anything remotely important to say that may explain your interrupting of my speech?

Bad News: Hey, bonehead, I am getting to that. Now, As I was saying…I have a newfound lust for blood. And that alone is going to allow me to bypass the ladder of "has-beens" and "never-were's".

[Reaper lifts the mike to speak…and then shakes his head in a smile as he puts it back down.]

Bad News: I'm tired of proving myself over and over. So, guess what? I'm heading straight for the top. Mark my words, within two weeks, this barley storage unit [he pats his waist] will be packing gold. And it won't be some secondary title, to keep me happy. I'm shooting for nothing but the OWF World Title. Archangel, that means you, sunshine. I've been on the receiving end of your brand of punishment before, but you can't tell me that you didn't hurt the day after. I ain't gonna fight losers and newbies... I'm calling you out, Archy! Tonight... next week... whenever! But, I'm gonna show you just what it really means to be a bad man. So, until it's time to dance, I await your decision.

[The fans go nuts at the announcement of his challenge.]

Reaper: Leroy…how can I break this to you softly…you stink. You were thrown off the top of that bottom cage, nearly killed not only yourself by also my color commentator…and that the ppv, not to mention the weeks before when you drunkenly “misplaced” Crusader, who I mind you, hasn’t been seen since.

Bad News: So…what’s your point.

Reaper: My point is…

[Suddenly the lights go out and the Reapertron lights up as "Prepare Yourself" blares over the sound system. We see various wrestlers, including Drake Raynor, Maverick, and some Clowns all on the receiving end of the Perfect Drop, the Perfect Press, and of course, the devastating "Double Take." An explosion occurs near the ring, and we see in a single spotlight our hero and yours, Brian Thorn. The fans cheer as he flashes his million-dollar smile while strutting his way to the ring. He jumps into the ring, performs a jumping heel kick, and blows kisses to his fans. Finally he ask for a mike and walks right up to Ash and Bad News, getting right in their face. He quickly repairs his ego and backs away after a fake charge by T-Rex…and then begins to speak.]

Thorn: Greetings fans, for your hero has arrived…

[The fans erupt in praise for their hero and yours.]

Thorn: You see…Leroy, no offense, but Reaper is right, you do stink. And besides, Archangel is way out of your league. However, that does lead the question of a number one contender, and I think everyone knows who the obvious choice is for that…

[Thorn’s smile is quickly whipped away as a large chanting for Leroy Brown erupts.]

Thorn: Well, to each his own, but, the point is, Leroy Brown wasn’t screwed out of winning the World Title, I was.

Reaper: Hey, butterballs, the last time I checked, you were falling 20 feet off a zip line. And don’t try and sway the crowd saying you knew how to fall and that you weren’t hurt either, I have the hospital bills to prove it.

Thorn: Archangel only one because I was not trying to cripple him. And of course, who could forget Drake Raynor. It was only supposed to be two men on the top of that tower, where the hell did Raynor come from? They cheated…it is not fair!

[Bad News kind of laughs to himself.]

Reaper: Oh, you mean the Drake Raynor who wasn’t eliminated from the second floor, but instead was handcuffed to it…[To Bad News] What the hell are you smirking at you mental pigmi…now…

Thorn: Mr. Ash, I am the rightful World Title Holder, I am the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, and I want Archangel here tonight to prove, once again, that I am…[takes a deep breath], simply perfect.

Bad News: Jackass.

Reaper: Both of you, quiet, now, you listen to me you…

[Reaper throws him arms up into the air as “Dust” by Cypress Hill begins to play. Then, the crusader of the great white north, Hoser, walks onto the entrance ramp with his black nylon cooler bag and a microphone. He looks around at the cheering crowd for a minute and then makes his way into the ring, singing as he goes…]

Hoser: …4 big ugly losers to pound, 4 big ugly losers, one comes down, I smack him around…3 big ugly losers to pound…

[The Lone Wolf]

[Once hoser gets in the ring he puts his bag into the corner, pulls out a beer, and then sits up on the turnbuckle. He just watches and listens. Everybody in the ring just stares at him waiting for him to speak…and he doesn’t.]

Reaper: Now, what the hell do you want?

Hoser: Now, if you losers are finished wasting my time, I have an announcement to make.

Reaper: Listen here…

Hoser: Shut up smiley. I'm not here to argue with you. I'm here to make a challenge, to all the people in the OWF. I won't settle for just 1 person a night. I want the whole damn thing. And when I kick the crap out of all of you losers, I want Archangel, what ever rules he wants, for the OWF gold. Now, I can understand if you don't want to fight me. It's true, I'm crazy. And if you don't want to get your ass kicked all over mile one stadium tonight, you'll just go home now. But for anyone who's got the balls to accept, bring it on. Right here tonight, in this very ring. After all, if I got to take on the whole world, its just as well to get paid for it eh.

Reaper: Son of a…

[Reaper makes a dart at Hoser but is stopped by T-Rex.]

Reaper: Ok…I’m fine…I’m fine…ok, so let me get this straight…you want to challenge the whole fed.

Hoser: That’s right eh.

Reaper[To Bad News and Thorn]: And you too want world title shots.

Bad News: Yes…give it to me…

Thorn: I am the number one contender, and I should be champion.

Bad News: But your not champion, because you suck.

Thorn: Listen here…

Reaper: Stop it…now, since Hoser wants the whole fed, and the whole fed wants a world title shot…then I got an idea. Lets take it back to old school, the very beginnings of the LWA, a time both Hoser and especially Bad News should know very well. Ah yes, the LWA once had a situation like this…and do you know how they settled it…

Bad News: OILY RAGS MATCH!!!

[Everyone in the ring just stares at Bad News…]

Reaper:…[hesitates…]…no…not an oily rags match.

Bad News: Oh.

Reaper: It’s…

Hoser: 2-4 on a pole match?

Reaper: No!

Thorn: Dance with the reaper match?

Reaper: No!!

Bad News: OILY RAGS MATCH!!!

Reaper: NO!!! FUCK OFF!!!

Bad News: I already said that didn’t I?

Cid: Mr. Ash, I told you, if you don’t stop this swearing…

Reaper: Put a sock in it Cid before I cements your head to the rear end of a cow moose in heat. Now, if the three of you will shut up for a moment, the way the LWA settled this…with the GAUNTLET!!!

[The crowd goes berserk with the announcement.]

Reaper: That’s right, here tonight, everybody in the bloody fed will get a shot at the number one contender stop. You will all be randomly entered and then the match will start with two men. When one man is eliminated by pinfall, submission or countout, then another man will come out and this will continue until only one man is left, the number one contender. Hoser, you wanted the whole damn fed, now you got it. Now, get the hell to the back and get ready. But, before I leave, Mr. Archangel, don’t for one second think your getting the night off. Oh yes, you may not think there is anybody else in the fed to fight, well, I am said to inform you that there is. In fact, here tonight, Archangel, you will be putting that World Title on the line!!!

[The fans erupt once more.]

Reaper: You may have conquered the tower, but, now its time for the real test, the real test to see if you truly deserve to be my champion…so Archangel, tonight, you face none other than…ME!!!!!!!!!!! Now! Come dance, with the REAPER!!!!!!

[“Antichrist Superstar” blares over the sound system as Hoser, Bad News, and Thorn all leave the ring. Reaper stands around for a moment, surveying the screaming crowd and then finally accompanies T-Rex and Cid to the back.]

Dutch: MY GOD!! A gauntlet!!! A bloody gauntlet!!! Everyone who was at the original LWA gauntlet know the carnage that came from it. And of course the shocking ending…the ending when Bad News Leroy Brown himself disguised himself as Shinobi 3 to assault and cheat to win the world title over the original Sentinel!!! And what about the announcement that Marcus Ash will be stepping in the ring himself tonight to face Archangel for the World Outlaw Championship!!! My god!! This is a night of pay per view caliber!!

Grumpy: Yeah…whatever. I just hope this bloody Gauntlet thingy doesn’t take too long. I got a date tonight.

Dutch: Really?

Grumpy: Yip, and she only cost me 20 bucks.

Dutch: That’s a good deal.

Grumpy: Not really, she weights more than you.

Dutch: Oh…hey, did you just insult me?

Grumpy: No actually.

Dutch: Ok, that’s good. Now what?

[The lights in the arena suddenly dim to an incandescent black. The Reapertron suddenly goes dark black. A light, the light of a rising sun, suddenly appears on the screen. The horizon, spread across the distance offers a view of a long and winding road. In the distance is a black dot that very slowly grows bigger. The machine suddenly disappears into static.]

Dutch: What the hell was that?

Grumpy: Ug…I fart.

Dutch: No, that…jesus…you did too...pewh…my god man…

Grumpy: MacDonald’s…gives me gut rut.

Dutch: Go take a shit or something.

Grumpy: Ug…nother one just squeezed out.

Dutch: My god, that is horrid. Well fans, I am being told something is happening backstage in Reaper’s office.

[The scene cuts to Reaper’s office were we find the Marcus “The Reaper” Ash wandering around trying to figure out of what use to be to his federation. Suddenly a young boy runs up to him and hands him a bouquet of flowers. The boy stands there waiting for some type of tip, but suddenly retreats as Reaper raises his hand. Reaper slowly looks at the bouquet of white roses, with one odd gold rose sitting in the center of his bouquet. He drops the flowers on the ground and opens a card to read the words, “It isn’t over, but the battle lines have been redrawn. Make sure you keep that in mind. Hugs and Kisses Smiley.” Reaper crumbles up the card and tosses it on the ground next to the flowers, and then a look of amazement comes across his face as Cid walks into the office. ]

Reaper[To himself]: Hm…first Hoser, now this fool…everyone just loves using my insult against me. [To Cid] AH, Cid, make it good, I am busy.

Cid: At what…

Reaper[Hesitates]: AH…don’t backtalk me, now, what do you want.

Cid: Well I found our new reporter…

[Suddenly, former LWA play by play commentator, Johnny Gallivan, walks through the door.]

Gallivan: Ah…Marcus!!!

Reaper: Don’t call me that.

Gallivan: Well, then, Mr. Ash, It is so good to be hear.

Reaper: No, you mean it is good to be employed. Now, I don’t want none of this freelance union stuff I saw you crowd doing in the LWA. First union you try and start, your gone.

Gallivan: But that wasn’t me…

Reaper: Doesn’t matter…you remember what happened to Jim?

Gallivan: Yes, you pretended you shot him and he collected his life insurance money.

Reaper: !!!

Cid: Not now Reaper.

Reaper: Well get out there and find CH and Corporal, they will show you the equipment and stuff.

Gallivan: Ok, where are they?

Reaper[To himself]: Try a sandbox…

Gallivan: What?

Reaper: I don’t know, go look for them…

Gallivan: Ok, but, its good to me back…”dear god! I can’t believe what is happening!”…ah its been a while.

Reaper: Don’t do that.

[Gallivan simply waves as he darts out of the office.]

Reaper: Fruitcake…

[The scene cuts back to Dutch and Grumpy who are sitting impatiently. Suddenly, Dutch starts acting really strange and throws a piece of gum in his mouth.]

Grumpy: What the hell are you doing?

Dutch: Addiction counseling…I have to take a piece of this gum whenever I get a craving.

Grumpy: But you don’t smoke…HAHA, what is it, for picking your nose!!! HAHA!!!

Dutch:…

Grumpy: You got to be kidding me…

Dutch: The doctor said whenever I have an itch up there, chew some gum.

Grumpy: Does it work?

Dutch: No but the gum is really good. Want a piece?

Grumpy: No! I am not having some of your nose gum…haha.

Dutch: Well fans, the beautiful Aspen Sandstrum is in the ring, I guess it is time for our first match of the night.

Aspen: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is the special Gauntlet match for the position of number one contender to the world title. The winner of this match will face the world champion next week on Sunday Night Onslaught!

[As Aspen leaves the ring, “Debonaire” by Dope begins to roar. Moments later the 6’5” king of extreme, “Illegally Extreme” Eric Manson waltzes out onto the entrance ramp with a large kendo stick. His black leather jacket and pants complete with flames inscribed upon their surface nicely accompanies his stunning sunglasses and light brown hair and goat tee. He smiles to the crowd, as an insane chorus of boo’s parade from the far reaches of the arena. He darts towards the ring and leans against one of the corners, awaiting his opponent.]

Dutch: Eric Extreme, or should I say, “Illegally Extreme” Eric Manson as he now calls himself, is quit possibly a major force to be reckoned with in this match. He proved over and over again during the first month of the OWF that he was not simply going to stay quiet on side lines and then went from there to lead the OWF’s first stable, DN2, to a very destructive reign. This man, is a very, very, dangerous man.

Grumpy: Too bad he is number one…awh, what a shame.

[Suddenly, the crowd erupts into an amazing amount of cheering as “I’m afraid of Americans” by Bowie begins to play over the outlawed speakers of the auditorium. Red Zachary bellows down the ramp complete in his mock up military gear. He wears his red shirt tied around his waste and sports black and green military pants. He has a mustache going from his nose halfway down his neck and his beard is neatly trimmed. He has an army helmet and his eyes look wobbly. The fans go nuts as his flag comes into view, the Alaskan Militant Duck yielding his shotgun. Zachary leaps into the ring and immediately assaults Extreme as the bell rings.]

The Gauntlet

Number One Contendership Match

Dutch: My god and this one has begun!

Grumpy: You know, I was sitting home all summer hoping to god I would never bloody hear that again.

Dutch: Red Zachary rages into Manson with fists flying left, right and center. Extreme was caught off guard, wait, he fights back with a nasty uppercut…and now a he turns Zachary around and hip toss to the middle of the ring. He drives him in the head with a nasty kick and heads to the ropes, he gets some steam, comes back, he leaps over the downed Zachary, but Zachary is back up! Zachary waits for Manson for a back drop, but Extreme stops! BLAMMO! Illegally Extreme Eric Manson just plastered Zachary with a DDT!

Grumpy: Hmp…Where are all his ducks now…

Dutch: Extreme puts on the neck crank, he drives that pressure down into Zachary…

Grumpy: I don’t think Zachary got sense enough to feel that.

Dutch: Well he is trying to force his way out of it, but Extreme is just driving it on him. Wait, Extreme picks him up by the hair, now drives him into the corner with an irish whip…what impact! Now extreme comes in, Manson with the avalanche!!! Zachary stumbles back and Extreme drops him to the mat with a bulldog! He goes for the pin…1…2no, way to early yet.

Grumpy: Not for me it isn’t.

Dutch: Extreme wants to but Zachary behind him as quickly as possible and move on to the next guy, but, Zachary has got too much fight in him. Manson gets up again and pulls Red to his feet, he locks him in, Half Nelson Suplex! Now he pulls him back to his feet…wait, hip toss by Zachary! Zachary runs off the ropes and drives his knees down into Eric Manson! He gets up again, now he runs off the ropes once more, wait, Extreme is up and runs off the ropes himself, Extreme ducks a clothesline…Zachary leaps in the air for a lou thezz press, wait! Extreme catches his head, front face pancake!!! Manson goes for the pin…1…2..no, Zachary kicks out.

Grumpy: They are certainly not trying to drag anything out here.

Dutch: I should say not, if one of these men want to win they have to go through 92 other men here tonight.

Grumpy: 92??? What the hell, are you counting the techs and medics in the back???

Dutch: Extreme lifts up Zachary again…wait, Zachary is pounding back across his head, now an eye gouge…my god!!! Red Zachary has Extreme in the air with a choke lift!!! He fires him down to the mat and moves in for the kill, driving his combat boots down into the throat of Extreme. He grabs him by the hair, Irish Whip into ropes, wait, Extreme reverses it! No, Zachary reverses it again, Extreme goes flying, he comes back…big boot across the head by Red Zachary!!! Zachary grabs him again and pulls him to his feet…he throws him into the corner…and in he comes with a nasty elbow.

Grumpy: Why didn’t they fire these two guys after all the trouble they caused before?

Dutch: Probably the same reason they didn’t fire us. Zachary drives the boots into the throat of Extreme in that corner…and now he is raising his arm to the crowd to cheer in agreement! Zachary runs to the opposite corner…he runs in with a lunging dropkick! Wait, Extreme pulled himself to the top rope!! Zachary just planted himself where the sun don’t shine around that ring post! Extreme pulls himself high on that turnbuckle…he peers down at Zachary who is sprawled out below him…Zachary is getting up…he is bent over…Extreme leaps off for a top rope famasser!! Wait!!! Zachary caught him in mid air!! He flings him over his shoulders and around his neck…yes, he is setting up the last known move, Death valley driver!! He got him hooked and is now slowly climbing up those ropes…and he falls back and nails that hold!!!!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it!!!!!! Red Zachary has eliminated Eric Manson!!!

“Illegally Extreme” Eric Manson has been eliminated

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: How many people are in this thing?

Grumpy: From my guesses…18…

Dutch: Ah, that’s not very much.

Grumpy: Hmp…maybe for you, but like I said, I got tubs of love waiting for me…damn I am pathetic.

Dutch: Well who is…

[Suddenly the lights go out and the Reapertron lights up as "Prepare Yourself" blares over the sound system. We see various wrestlers, including Drake Raynor, Maverick, and some Clowns all on the receiving end of the Perfect Drop, the Perfect Press, and of course, the devastating "Double Take." An explosion occurs near the ring, and we see in a single spotlight our hero and yours, Brian Thorn. The fans cheer as he flashes his million-dollar smile while strutting his way to the ring. He jumps into the ring, performs a jumping heel kick, and blows kisses to his fans. He leaps into the ring and is immediately assaulted by Red Zachary.]

Grumpy: HAHA…Our hero can’t be linking this…number 3…

Dutch: Well Zachary isn’t wasting any time, but, I think that short romp he had with Eric Extreme may be enough to give Thorn a major advantage. He pounds into Thorn with some hard rights and sets him up…Side Suplex! He heads for the ropes, wait! Thorn is up!! Hurricanranna as quick as that I think this may be the end already for Red Zachary! Thorn just planted him and now he is up and shaking out the cob webs.

Grumpy: What, you mean he is finally coming out of the closet?

Dutch: Grumpy! You can’t be saying that stuff on TV. We are on TSN now, this is big time stuff, we can get fired.

Grumpy: Good.

Dutch: Well Thorn moves in on Zachary like a cat after his prey…he waits for the maniac to stand up…and back down with a leg sweep…wait, flip over axe kick right onto the chest of Zachary!! Very impressive move!! While most of the fed have been taking the summer off, Brian Thorn has been hard at work at another fed, the CWF.

Grumpy: Wait a minute…CWF?? I thought President White and the SWWF killed the CWF.

Dutch: They did, but, they came back.

Grumpy: The bloody undead bye…I knew it. We got to cut off their head, piss down their throat and drive a stake through their heart…I will do it, I volunteer to leave right now.

Dutch: They are based in the states!

Grumpy: I don’t care meathead as long as I gets out of here see!!!!!

Dutch: Thorn is playing to the crowd who love this guy after his amazing performance at VBT. Now he moves in on Zachary again…He grabs him…hoists him up…powerbomb!! He goes for the pin…1…2..no, Zachary kicks out…but he is in rough shape.

Grumpy: Yeah, but look at him, his insanity fits in so well with yours.

Dutch: What?? Thorn drives a standing, somersault, guillotine leg drop on the neck of Red Zachary and now he is on his way to the top rope. He stands tall, goes for a moonsault…he comes back…wait!! Zachary got his knees up!!! Thorn is buckled over and Zachary is slowly getting to his feet! He grabs Thorn by the hair and pulls him up…and sends him into the ropes with an Irish Whip!

Grumpy: I don’t know what these guys see in those bloody ropes…fuck the ropes, kick em in the bloody balls!!! Fuc…

[Grumpy’s mike goes dead.]

Dutch: Now, we won’t be having any more of that. Thorn comes back from that Irish whip, Zachary goes for a belly to belly! Wait, Thorn drives him in the head with an elbow!! He Irish Whips Zachary into the ropes, but Zachary comes back for a clotheline…Thorn ducks it and turns to catch Zachary again, backdrop! Wait!!! Zachary lifts up Thorn before he gets a chance!!!! Double underhook Piledriver!!!! This one has to be all over!! 1…2…3no, Thorn somehow kicks out!! Zachary is getting pissed off and lifts Thorn to his feet again, he hoists him up over his shoulders…looks like he is going for the last known move again!!! Wait!! Thorn falls back into a crucifix pin…1…2…3no, Zachary kicks out of it!! Both men are slow to rise…wait, Zachary gets a burst of energy and drives Thorn to the mat with a big…wait!!!! Thorn catches his foot! Enziguri into an ankle lock submission!!! Zachary is tapping!!! Thorn moves on!!!

Red Zachary has been eliminated

Dutch: Zachary rolls outside the ring…wait, he is grabbing a steel chair and leaps back in!!! Thorn is too busy celebrating to notice him…my god!!! Zachary just plastered Thorn with that steel chair!!! Thorn is out cold and Zachary is making his way to the back in laughter…

[“Crawling” by linkin park begins playing as it gradually takes over the whole arena. The lights begin to dim and a barrage of green and gold lasers begin writing something on the Reapertron… The Silent Assassin. As they finish writing the name the a large flash blinds the arena and the pyros explode in the entranceway and out comes Joseph Knight walking in his usual cocky stride towards the ring. His face ever easy going, confidence fills his eyes as he makes his way down the aisle. With a small graceful hop he enters the ring and awaits for the match to begin.]

Dutch: Well than, the silent assassin is back but this time without Very Bad Things at his side. He moves around the ring waiting for Thorn to finally get back to his feet. Joseph Knight is an amazing competitor but he has been pretty quiet all week. Perhaps he is over confident.

[Grumpy’s mike comes back on.]

Grumpy: Dag Nabbit.

Dutch: Knight sizes up Thorn and moves in for the kill as soon as our hero is back to his feet. Both men lock up, now a headlock by Joseph Knight. Knight wrenches in that hold, wait, Thorn pulls him to the ropes and Knight lets go. Thorn is back out and now knight comes in again with another headlock…wait! Thorn drives the elbow into Knight, and another, Thorn is free, he gets some steam off the ropes, wait!! Knight rolls behind him and grabs him, German Suplex!! Inverted STF!!! Thorn is screaming out in pain!! Knight is a master of submission and he is showing it in the early goings here.

Grumpy: Hey, bonehead. Have you been taking speech lessons.

Dutch: Why?

Grumpy: Well you sound…somewhat normal. I mean last spring you sounded like a bloody sea gull.

Dutch: Hmp…

Grumpy: HEY!!!!!

Dutch: Well Thorn has somehow managed to reach the ropes and Knight breaks the hold. I think Thorn may have suffered a minor concussion from that chair shot administered by Tom Randall.

Grumpy: Who??? Red Zachary!!!

Dutch: Ah yes…anywho, Knight is once again stalking Brian Thorn…he comes in from behind…sleeper hold!!! Knight got the sleeper clamped down on Thorn!! Wait, Thorn just jumped off the ropes!! Both men fall to the ground!!! Thorn gets to his feet…as does Knight, and Thorn clocks him!! And another!!! Irish whip into the ropes…back comes Knight, wait, leap from my knight!! And a springboard elbow smash!!! What a move!!! Thorn is down and now Knight is heading for the top rope!!!

Grumpy: I don’t like this bloody top rope business…cause chances are he could crash down onto this table…

Dutch: And into you?

Grumpy: Shut up…you just remember one thing, I don’t have handcuffs on this time.

Dutch: Oh yes…I forgot about that. Well than, Knight is on the top rope, Sky Twister press!! Wait, Thorn rolled out of the way!!! Now Thorn moves in and rolls up Knight! 1…2..no, Knight kicks out! Knight leaps up to his feet and move in on Thorn who is slowly rising…wait!!! My god!!! Double take!!! Out of nowhere that double kick!!! Knight is out!! 1…2…3…he got it!! Brian Thorn is moving up the ladder!!

Joseph Knight has been eliminated

Grumpy: I hope its Raynor…

[Suddenly the them song to “Ninja Gaiden” begins to play as a man dressed all in black with a black mask and a 1 on his chest, come storming out of the back.]

Grumpy: That…is not Raynor…

Dutch: It’s Shinobi 1!!! Shinobi 1 is in the ring! He leaps at Thorn!! Wait Standing superkick!!! Thorn just superkicked Shinobi 1 right outside the ring!!!

Grumpy: I wish somebody would do that to you.

Dutch: What?

Grumpy: I said, Seun’s body would do that too.

Dutch: Oh…ok…hey…that doesn’t make any sense.

Grumpy: What?

Dutch: What are you talking about.

Grumpy: Fuck off.

Dutch: Well, Shinobi 1 is trying to get back to his feet, wait, Thorn is on the top rope!!! My god!!! He flies off…flying spinning heel kick on Shinobi 1 and both men collapse on the concrete!!!

[1…]

Grumpy: Bad move…he is only a Shinobi. He should save his energy for Drake Raynor…who should be next.

[2…]

Dutch: Thorn is slow to rise but, he lifts Shinobi 1 by the hair…wait, eye gouge!! Thorn stumbles back…Now Shinobi cracks him with a couple of heavy rights…

[3…]

Grumpy: I truly never thought I would here that on any broadcast show ever…that a Shinobi was cracking somebody with heavy rights…although, they did stab a guy back in the LWA.

[4…]

Dutch: They did? Who?…Shinobi 1 now with an Irish whip…wait, Thorn reverses it and Shinobi 1 has just been painted all over the cornerpost!

[5…]

Grumpy: Some big tall guys they used to put on stilts and dress in animal hides…they tried to make everyone think he was a bigfoot or something…I think they called him Wendigo. But, he couldn’t wrestler very well without falling over and stuff and the other wrestlers were starting to get suspicious…so, they caned him.

[6…]

Dutch: Hmm…well then…Thorn rolls back in the ring and is taking a breather in the corner…meanwhile, I think Shinobi 1 is out cold and the timer is just ticking down…[7…8…9…10…]

Grumpy: Well then, I do believe that that would be the OWF’s first count out.

Dutch: Shinobi 1 has been eliminated…and Thorn continues his way up the ladder.

Shinobi 1 has been eliminated

[The Lone Wolf]

Grumpy: Ok, now comes Raynor…come on…come on…

["And Justice For All" by Metallica hits the PA as "The Sentinel" Gabriel Blade appears on the entrance ramp. He is clad in black boots and pants, and a black sleeveless V-neck shirt. He raises his arms to the fans ands scans the arena with gleaming blue eyes before focusing on the ring and walking towards it steadily with intensity and determination radiating from him.]

Dutch: The Sentinel is here!!!

Grumpy: Well, it isn’t Drake Raynor, but, it’s just as good.

Dutch: Thorn and Blade are now staring off, both of these guys are around the same size…this should be a treat.

Grumpy: Yeah, this Sentinel is a lot shorter than the original Sentinel.

Dutch: They come face to face and now are going for a test of strength…they lock up and here they go! Sentinel seems to be getting a bit of an advantage on Thorn…but that is to be expected since Thorn has already gone through 3 matches.

Grumpy: Albeit short ones…

Dutch: And one nasty chair shot.

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Wait, Thorn is fighting back…he raises those hands and now both of these men are putting everything they got into this…wait, again Sentinel gets the advantage…yes…he got him…Thorn drops to one knee!! The fans don’t know who to cheer for here, but, they are loving it! Thorn is trying with everything he got…and yes…he is rising up…he is rising up from that knee…but Sentinel clamps on the pain! Thorn is driven down to two knees!!! Thorn is turning around and twisting his hands over! He is trying to pull himself to the ropes! This is insanity!

Grumpy: For Christ sakes let go! This is boring!

Dutch: Wait! Thorn just rolled forward flipping Sentinel over him!! Now Thorn is rolling around and grasping his fingers in pain…Sentinel is quick to rise, he stalks Thorn and grabs him…Urinage suplex!! Now the Sentinel is hovering over him, he grabs him by the hair…wait!! Thorn drives a swift kick into the mouth of Sentinel…I think he busted open his lip!! Sentinel staggers back and Thorn brings him down to his level with a leg sweep. Thorn staggers up and grabs Sentinels legs…wait, Gabe breaks it with a swift punch to the head! He stands tall and grabs Thorn by the hair, Irish Whip into the corner!

Grumpy: Bloody old Irish Whips…

Dutch: Sentinel is charging into the corner for a spear! Wait, Thorn jumped up and landed behind Sentinel as he crashes!!! Thorn grabs him…PERFECT DROP!!! It’s the atomic powerbomb!!! Sentinel is right in the middle of the ring!! Thorn is heading to the top rope, he must be going for the perfect press to finish the perfect combo!!

Grumpy: God damn it I never thought I would learn to hate one word so much…perfect…urg…I can’t even say it, gives me the willies…

Dutch: Thorn is high, but Sentinel is up!!! I don’t believe it!!! Sentinel runs into the ropes and Thorn drops onto that turnbuckle…Now Sentinel slowly moves over and starts climbing himself…Blade starts pounding the crap out of Thorn on the top rope!!1

Grumpy: Ah…this is what I likes to see.

Dutch: Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Wait, Sentinel is lifting him a bit…now he hooks him over his shoulder!!! He turns!! MY GOD!!! Michinoku Driver off the top rope!!!! This is insane!!!! Lateral press…1…2…3no!!! Thorn kicked out!!! I don’t believe it!!!

Grumpy: Now that’s the damnedest thing I have ever seen.

Dutch: Sentinel is shaking his head and pulls Thorn to his feet…Irish Whip into the ropes! Wait Thorn reverses it!! Gabe comes back, Samoan Drop by Brain Thorn!!! Now Thorn is heading to the top ropes again!!! He gets high…Perfect Press!!! The crowd are going nuts here, but they don’t know who to cheer for!!!! Thorn goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it!! NO!!! He don’t!!!! I don’t believe it but Sentinel got his foot on the ropes!!! Thorn is in Rogers face, he thinks it was a slow count! Now he turns around…he is waiting for Sentinel to rise to his feet…you know what he is going for now!!

Grumpy: No…what?

Dutch: I don’t know actually…I was hoping you would tell me.

Grumpy: THE DOUBLE TAKE!!

Dutch: Ah yes!! The cannonball!!…Double Take!!…sorry…Sentinel is slow to his feet…In comes Thorn…wait! Sentinel dodged the first kick! Thorn is back on and Sentinel grabs him for a reverse chin lock…he lifts him up vertical!!! And drops him!! It’s the Judgment day!!! Reverse brainbuster!!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got him!!! Thorn has been eliminated!! But not before going through 3 guys and a chair shot which may have caused him a slight concussion!!

Brian Thorn has been eliminated

Grumpy: Hmp…

[“Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit begins to echo over the Reapertron as the 6 footer, Jimmy, dressed in his Hawaiian shirt, Brown lugs and kaki cargo pants smiles his way onto the stage. He smirks at the crowd a bit and in perfect glee makes his way to the ring. He then looks up, jumps inside and shakes his head at Sentinel in disapproval. ]

Dutch: Jimmy has returned to the OWF! Although, like Joseph Knight, despite his level of talent he has simply been a ghost around here all week, and by the look of him now, he seems to be off focus a bit.

Grumpy: Jimmy the bloody fan…I really hate this man.

Dutch: Well Jimmy moves in to lock up with Blade but gets a knee to the guts for his troubles. Now Sentinel flings him into the ropes…wait! Jimmy comes back and leaps onto Sentinel’s shoulder’s! He is simply driving the fists down into Gabriel Blade, a move he calls the head ache.

Grumpy: Just being out here is giving me a headache…Hmp…

Dutch: Sentinel is down, and in comes Jimmy with a quick pin…1no, kick out. Jimmy stands him up and throws him into the ropes himself…Polish Canadian Guillotine!! That really connected with Sentinel’s head…and now he is out. Jimmy isn’t wasting time here and goes for another quick pin…1…2..no, again Blade kicked out. Jimmy once more lifts him high and sends him into the ropes…he goes for a backdrop…wait! DDT by Sentinel!! Now Sentinel grabs his legs…Boston Crab!!! Jimmy is screaming out in pain, but he doesn’t look like he is going to be giving up…he still has a lot of energy in him yet…wait??? Jimmy is tapping??? I don’t get it?? He wasn’t in that move for 3 seconds and he is tapping???!

Jimmy “the fan” has been eliminated

Grumpy: Huh???

Dutch: This is the same man who went to hell and back with Brian Thorn at VBT and now he is walking out of the arena after tapping out…something is seriously wrong here…even Sentinel looks stunned. The fans don’t know what to think about it.

Grumpy: Maybe The fan is depressed…ha!

Dutch: That’s not funny, I am getting world that as we await the next guy to come out, Johnny Gallivan is running to talk to Jimmy.

[The scene changes to just beyond the entrance curtain where a host of wrestlers are anxiously awaiting their chance to fight. Jimmy barrels through with a very upset look on his face.]

Gallivan: Jimmy! Jimmy! Can I have a word?!

[Jimmy simply pushes past Gallivan without saying a thing and disappears backstage. The scene cuts back to the arena as "The Game" by Disturbed plays over the PA system while images of Rick Valmont fighting DN2 and Red Zachary can be seen on the Reapertron. When The instrumental portion of the song hits, Green and light blue pyro shoots up into the air, where it explodes. "Annihilator" Rick Valmont walks through the curtains, carrying a can of Sprite. Coolie Julie saunters by his side. He shakes up the can of Sprite, and sprays it into the crowd.]

Grumpy: Is Sprite actually endorsing him? Or, does he just want us to think that?

Dutch: Who knows…But Valmont isn’t wasting any time as he charges at Sentinel. But Sentinel is waiting for him and cracks him down with a side belly to belly suplex!! Valmont scrambles back to his feet and runs at Sentinel again…wait, he cracks Blade with a running elbow smash…and keeps going off the ropes…running bulldog!! Valmont goes for the pin…1…no, kick out by Sentinel! Sentinel gets to his feet…Face slam by Valmont! Now Valmont is heading for the rope rope…moonsault!! Wait, Sentinel rolled out of the way! Now Sentinel is to his feet and grabs Valmont by the hair, tossing him out of the ring…

[1…]

Grumpy: That’s it, prolong the match…dag nabbit…

[2…]

Dutch: Valmont is climbing back up the ropes, and here comes Sentinel, Sentinel grabs him by the hair…wait, Valmont just grabbed Sentinels head and fell back down, chocking Sentinel on that top rope!! [3…] Sentinel is stunned a bit and Valmont climbs high to the top rope…hurricanranna!! Valmont is now is control!

Grumpy: Now that is definitely the damnedest thing I have ever seen…Valmont in control.

Dutch: Valmont stands up Blade…he sets him up, DDT! He goes for the cover…1…2no, Sentinel kicks out! Now Valmont is starting to get impatient. He runs to the top rope again but Sentinel is getting to his feet…Valmont is up, he leaps off…hurricanranna again!! Wait! Sentinel held him!!! He lifts him high!! My god!! Powerbomb over the top rope!!! Valmont has got to be destroyed after that!!

[1…]

Grumpy: As long as he don’t start throwing him at us…then I don’t care.

[2…]

Dutch: Holy shit!! Sentinel is going for the top rope!!! He climbs high and my god!! Shooting star press to the concrete below on Rick Valmont!!! The fans are going nuts here tonight!!

[1…]

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Both men are down…neither are moving after that… [2…] Coolie Julie is running over to Valmont and pouring sprite in his mouth…

[3…]

Grumpy: One good turn deserves another I guess…hehe…

[4…]

Dutch: What?

Grumpy: Nevermind…

[5…]

Dutch: Valmont is starting to get up…I don’t believe it but Valmont is up and Sentinel isn’t moving!

[6…]

Grumpy: Well Sentinel has been out here a lot longer.

Dutch: Valmont moves in to Sentinel…wait!!! Gateway to eternity!! It’s the mandible claw!!! Valmont is grabbing Sentinels hand but he can’t do anything about it!!! [7…] Now Sentinel is forcing Valmont back under the ropes…both men are in the ring but Sentinel won’t release that hold…wait…Valmont has stopped moving…my god! Valmont is out!! The ref is signaling the time keeper, this one is over!

“Annihilator” Rick Valmont has been eliminated

Dutch: Sentinel is slinking into the corner to regain some strength and Coolie Julie helping the now semi conscious Rick Valmont out of the arena.

[The lights dim as "Call of Ktulu" plays over the speakers. Purple mists fill the arena as The Black Knight strides toward the ring, slow yet powerful like an ice burg. He speaks to the skull held in his left hand, and leaves it tenderly in the corner of the ring as he removes his cloak and helmet.]

Dutch: Talk about an epic battle…the Sentinel vs the Black Knight…this could be big. The black Knight stands at 6’7” with a sheer presence making him feel about 8 feet tall. He is a monster of a man.

Grumpy: He is also demented as hell and solely responsible for the decimation of the refs at VBT.

Dutch: Black Knight stares down at the battered and beaten Gabriel Blade…

Grumpy: Who I bet right now is wishing he was as big as the original Sentinel.

Dutch: He is as big, he is as big in his heart. Sentinel clobbers a hard punch to the Black Knight. But the Knight just simply stares down at him, unphased. Sentinel rears back and drives another hard punch to the Black Knight, but, once again, nothing…He goes for another…wait, Black Knight just drove the fist down into the skull of Sentinel! Sentinel has been knocked to the mat! Now Black Knight is on top of him and pulverizing him with one nasty punch after another! My god!! Sentinel is in major trouble right now. Now Black Knight is up…he grabs Sentinel…my god…god wrench powerbomb!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3no, Sentinel somehow managed to kick out. He has already been through hell and now he has to face this beast…this is insane.

Grumpy: Yeah, but, just imagine, if he kills him, then just think of how famous the OWF will be!

Dutch: We are famous enough when it comes to the law authorities, all we need is a murder on your hands.

Grumpy: EXACTLY!

Dutch: Well Black Knight is stalking around Sentinel…my god!! Knight grabs Sentinel again and is now lifting him high…my god!! What a backbreaker!! Holy shit! He got him up and drives him down for another…and another!!! And another!! My god!! He picks him up high above his head…Guerilla press slam!! Right over the ropes and to the concrete below!!

Grumpy: Je…sus…

Dutch: Look…look at that!

Grumpy: What! A monkey ninja pygmi!!

Dutch: No! Sentinel is bleeding from the mouth! He must have some sort of internal injuries after that! Black Knight is stepping over the ropes and moving down after Blade…[1…] He walks around him…looking at him with a sick sneer on his face, and now grabs him by the hair again! He picks him up…spine buster!! [2…] Now he is going over to talk to his skull!!

[3…]

Grumpy: I told yeah…demented as hell…hey…don’t come over here!

[4…]

Dutch: The Black Knight heads back towards Sentinel…wait! Sentinel nails him in the mid section and brings him down with a side belly to belly suplex!! He staggers up as the fans get on their feet! He goes to the apron…[5…] …and pulls out a table!! Wait…Black Knight just sat up! He is back to his feet and the Sentinel got that table set up…wait! Black Knight just grabbed Sentinel from behind and threw him into the ring…Sentinel quickly returns to his feet and heads for the top rope…Black Knight slowly gets onto the apron… [6…] Wait!! Sentinel grabs him from the top rope! He hooks himself behind his head! Judgment day! Judgment day off the top rope pulling the Black Knight down into that table!! My god!!!

[1…]

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Sentinel is slowly getting to his feet…

[2…3…4…]

Grumpy: You see…is the OWF belt really worth this much? I mean Reaper probably stole the damn thing in the first place.

[5…]

Dutch: Men threw eachother off a 40 foot cage for that belt…yes, it means that much. The fans are cheering as Sentinel gets back to his feet and rolls under the ropes. He stands tall to a huge ovation and the Black Knight hasn’t budged!

[6…7…8…]

Dutch: MY GOD!! The Black Knight just sat up!!! He is up and stepping over the ropes towards Sentinel who doesn’t know what to do to put this man away!

Grumpy: Persistent bastard isn’t he.

Dutch: The Knight grabs Gabe my the throat…my god…this is a blatant and illegal chokehold…he drives him to the mat and DI Rogers is trying to get him to release the hold…he counts to five…Rogers has just disqualified the Black Knight!

The Black Knight has been eliminated

Dutch: But the Black Knight won’t release that hold! He is trying to kill him! The ring bell ringing over and over again.

Grumpy: You here that too…whew…that’s a relief, I thought I was only me.

Dutch: Both Seun and Rogers are trying to ply the Black Knight off of the Sentinel…and they got him…the Black Knight looks around, grabs his skull, and slowly walks backstage…but the news in the ring is what is the condition of the Sentinel…wait! He is moving!! He is ok!!

Grumpy: I don’t know…it could be muscle spasms.

Dutch: No, it isn’t…I don’t think…no, its not! Sentinel is slowly getting back to his feet…

[The light's in the arena dim as the distinctive intro to Sweet Child of Mine kicks in. The crowd looks around for a moment, not very familiar with the song…but then, the curtain parts and the FHW world Champion, Lee F’n Todd struts down the isle, his left arm raised high above his head, his right clutching a bottle of Newcastle Brown. He slowly makes his way to the ring flipping over the ropes and paces like a wild animal waiting for the bell.]

Grumpy: What’s the f’n stand for Dutch…hey…come on, say it…I dare you. I have heard you curse before.

Dutch: No…leave me alone. Lee F’n Todd is making his debut here in the OWF and has already caused quite a stir backstage.

Grumpy: This guy is the FHW world champion?

Dutch: Yes.

Grumpy: Isn’t he a bit short?

Dutch: Well Lee Todd and Sentinel are staring off, wait, Todd just smashed Blade with an open handed slap and what sounds to me like a string of profanities. Now he just spit at him…my god! Sentinel is running into him with full steam! Both men are on the mat with a crazed array of lefts and rights!

Grumpy: You like seeing two men all over eachother don’t yeah.

Dutch: Screw off.

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: The ref finally gets them separated and Lee Todd rolls outside the ropes…wait, Sentinel is going after him! [1…] Lee Todd is running around the ring and Blade is in hot pursuit…wait, Todd rolls back in the ring…as does Sentinel…but Todd is waiting…he stomps into Sentinel as he tries to get back into the ring. He backs away and Sentinel gets back to his feet…he moves in…Snap mare by lee todd! Now he drives a boot down into Sentinel’s neck and walks away laughing.

Grumpy: I’d be laughing too.

Dutch: Sentinel moves in again, and another snap mare…wait, Sentinel caught himself and turned around, he lifts the back on Lee todd high above his head…Crucifix powerbomb!!

Grumpy: Ah ha…that will teach him.

Dutch: Who are you cheering for?

Grumpy: Don’t know…don’t care.

Dutch: Sentinel whips the blood away from his mouth and stomps down into Lee Todd who wasn’t expecting that. He picks up todd by the hair, Irish Whip into the ropes, Todd comes back, Urinage suplex!!! Sentinel goes for the pin…1…2..no, Todd kicks out and rolls outside the ring.

Grumpy: Bout time we got somebody in this bloody fed who knows how to use their head.

Dutch: Hey, that rhymes.

Grumpy: So, who are you, mother goose?

Dutch: No, i…

Grumpy: Go lay a golden egg ya chicken arsed miss muffet!

Dutch: Sentinel follows Todd backoutside the ring…wait, Todd just clocked him with a chain around his fingers!! Where did that come from!! [1…] Sentinel is laid out and now Todd is rolling him back inside the ring…he goes high to the top rope…Swan Dive!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3no, Sentinel kicks out!! Todd isn’t happy about this…but, he locks an STF in on the Sentinel…he really seems to be working that neck. But Sentinel looks for from giving up, and, he has defeated 3 guys, one of them being Brian Thorn, already here tonight.

Grumpy: 4 guys.

Dutch: Ah yes…4 guys. Well Lee Todd finally gets fed up with that STF and picks up Blade…he pounds on his head and throws him into the ropes…he comes back…Todd catches him and my god! Crashes him to the ground with an inverted piledriver!!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3no, again Sentinel somehow managed to kick out…I don’t believe it!

Grumpy: Neither does Todd by the look of it.

Dutch: Todd is pissed is heading for the top rope, he leaps off, goes for the senton bomb…wait! Sentinel is up and dropkicks him mid air!! Both men crash to the ground in a lump! Sentinel is slowly moving and tries to cover Todd…1…2no, Kick out! Todd is not going down that easily and he managed to get to his feet…and now so does Sentinel…Sentinel signaling for the judgment day!! He grabs Todd and hooks him in that reverse chin lock…he lifts him high! Wait, Todd falls behind him!! He turns around and my god!!! It’s the urg…

Grumpy: IT’S THE FUCK YOU!!!

Dutch: Yeah…that’s it, Lee Todd’s tribute to the rude awakening!!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3…this one is over! Sentinel has been eliminated but the crowd on going nuts as he walks out of here…they are on their feet after he defeated four guys in his debut match in the OWF!

“The Sentinel” Gabriel Blade has been eliminated

Grumpy: I wonder if I can get a beer anywhere?

Dutch: I wonder who is next…

[Suddenly the crowd goes in shock as the strange tunes of “Greet the sacred cow” by primus begins to play. The crowd looks around but they don’t know what do think. Suddenly a monster of a man dressed in a loincloth and holding only a giant war hammer walks onto the entrance ramp.]

Grumpy: Who the hell is that!?!

Dutch: You got me!! But Lee Todd is shocked!

[Suddenly the voice of a strange individual comes over the PA system.]

Voice: Hold on…hold on…George, get back hear, your supposed to wait for me!

[The large individual who reacts as if he is George, simply waits as a smaller man, dressed in normal wrestling clothes except a T-Shirt saying “Better than Jesus”, walks onto the entrance ramp.]

Voice: Now, you peasants may not know me…but I don’t give a damn, because you are all going to feel the pain…I am the one, the only, “Better than Jesus” Gary Frat!!!

Dutch: My God! It’s Gary Frat!! LWA legend!!!

Grumpy: Don’t call him a legend! He never won a match in his career!

Dutch: Well, that’s no difference…Lee Todd is shrugging as the behemoth George leads Frat to the ring.

Grumpy: I would like to know who the hell let me in the building.

Dutch: Frat jumps in the ring and just starts trash talking Lee Todd…wait, Lee Todd just kicked him in the nuts before the bell sounded! The sounds…it’s the …that move again!!!

Grumpy: Fuck you…it’s the Fuck you…idiot…

Dutch: He goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it! That got to be the shortest match in OWF history!! Lee Todd picks up “Better than Jesus and flings him back through the ropes! The Fans are going nuts!

“Better than Jesus” Gary Frat has been eliminated

Grumpy: Well that better be it for better than Jesus.

[Suddenly, “My Generation” begins to play and the newbie, DJ, walks out of the entrance ramp. He runs down to the ring and starts pounding on Lee Todd.]

Dutch: Well here comes the rookie, DJ, and he is all guns ablazing on Lee Todd who has already went through two grueling matches.

Grumpy: One grueling match…and I don’t know what the other thing was.

Dutch: DJ locks on the armbar…but wait, Lee Todd reverses it! Now he brings him down hard with a takedown and a couple of vicious boots to the head. Todd heads to the corner and is now tearing off the turnbuckle pads!!!

Grumpy: Here we go…I knee it wouldn’t take…

Dutch: Lee todd grabs DJ, Sling Shot into the steel ring!!! DJ is bust open, Todd grabs him from behind…brainbuster DDT!!!

Grumpy: Hmp…the English prick is having his way with him isn’t he.

Dutch: That he is…

Grumpy: I bet you wish you were.

Dutch: What? Well Lee F’n Todd is heading to the top, he comes off…senton bomb!! He goes for the pin…1…no, He pulls up the head of DJ, he isn’t finished! Lee Todd sets him up, its the F You!!!

Grumpy: Fuck you!

Dutch: He hits that move again, and now goes for the pin…1…2…3…another easy victory for Lee F’n Todd.

DJ has been eliminated

Grumpy: Big surprise there…I didn’t even know the guy existed till be ran out here.

Dutch: Lee Todd is happy…

Grumpy: As pigs in shit…

Dutch: Stop that…

Grumpy: I think it’s time you had another piece of gum, you’re hand is beginning to go into convulsions.

Dutch: Ah…I think you’re right…god I got to pick my nose…hey…where is my gum?

Grumpy: I got it…now, 10 bucks and it’s yours.

Dutch: What?

Grumpy: I am giving you an ultimatum, and my the looks of it, you better hand over the cash, 15 bucks…

Dutch: You just said 10?

Grumpy: Inflation, you better hurry up before you have to sell your home…come on…20 bucks…

Dutch: Ok, ok, here…

[The Lone Wolf]

Grumpy: HAHA…

Dutch[chews his gum]: mmmmm

[Suddenly, the theme song for “Ninja Gaiden” returns to the sound system…then, Shinobi 3 comes out with a bamboo cane. A sudden chanting of Bad News begins over the crowd.]

Grumpy: Hey, wait a minute…I wonder who this is…

Dutch: Who?

Grumpy: Bad New’s you dolt…this is the same thing he did in…

[Suddenly “Refuse/Resist” by apocalyptica begins to play as Bad News Leroy Brown comes charging down to ringside with a bamboo cane of his own and plasters it over the head of Shinobi 3. He rips the taped up number three off his shirt and puts it on his own, then proceeding to jump in the ring.]

Grumpy: It seems I am mistaken…

Dutch: Over what?

Grumpy: Nevermind…

Dutch: Well I guarantee you one thing, Lee Todd won’t be running over Bad News like he did the last two guys.

Grumpy: Where the hell is Drake Raynor?

Dutch: Well both men collide here in an rampage of lefts and rights. Wait, Bad News gets Todd in a front face lock…he wrenches it in…and now releases followed with a sharp knife edged chop.

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Grumpy: What the hell was that about??!!

Dutch: I don’t know but he does it again…

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Grumpy: Bloody newfies…hooting and hollering at every little thing.

Dutch: Now he grabs him and tosses Todd into the ropes, he comes in, Thesz Press!! He cracks those fists hard down into Lee Todd. Now Todd is fighting back, he rolls over Leroy and drives in a few heavy punches of his own. You know, both of these guys have got similar fighting styles…they could probably make a good take team.

Grumpy: Well, if people like this didn’t automatically hate other people like this.

Dutch: True…Todd gets up, wait, Leroy drives his boot to the back of his knees and knocks him down again! Now Bad News comes in from behind with a nasty kick to the back of Todd’s head…who just collapses to the mat. Bad News goes to the second rope…flying elbow! He drives it down hard into Lee Todd who begins cursing and swearing. Bad News starts to get up, and so does Todd, wait, Todd just spit in Bad New’s face and is running towards the ropes! Bad News waits for him, Lee todd comes back, drop kick on Bad News!

Grumpy: I thought you said these two got similar fighting styles. Bad News is afraid of heights and Lee Todd jumps around like a jackass on nose gum.

Dutch: Well Todd grabs Bad News by the hair…wait, Bad News greets him with a thumb to the eye…and now lays him out with a European uppercut. Now Bad News is climbing the ropes…he is going for a moonsault!!!

Grumpy[spits out some coffee he has been drinking]: What?!

Dutch: Bad News flies off, but Todd got his knees up! Urg…that must have hurt! Bad News is rolling around in pain and Todd is trying to get to his feet…wait…it looks like Lee Todd is limping, he is going to the ref and complaining about his leg!

Grumpy: Yeah right, like Rogers really cares about the welfare of another human being. Rumor has it that he ate his kids.

Dutch: Really?

Grumpy: Oh yeah, but, if he ever knew you knew, he would probably kill you too. Maybe I should tell him.

Dutch: No! Don’t! I got a family to think of!

Grumpy: No you don’t!

Dutch: But I want to some day.

Grumpy: Hmp…haha…

Dutch: Well…hmm…well Bad News is back up and Rogers is keeping him away from Todd…hey, wait a sec, while Bad News is distracted with the ref, Lee Todd is headed outside…and he is walking normal!!!

Grumpy: And this is a shock to you.

Dutch: But he was limping, I saw it with my own eyes!

Grumpy: Idiot.

Dutch: Todd is sneaking around the back of the ring and coming up behind Bad News…he is right behind him and waiting, and Bad News is getting upset with Rogers…wait, he is jumping up and down in anger…my god! He just jumped on Lee Todd’s foot by accident!!! He turns around to see Lee Todd bent over, he hesitates…hooks him up…it’s the Bad Mojo, cradle brainbuster!!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it! Bad News has won!

Lee F’n Todd has been eliminated

Grumpy: Now that is the damnedest thing I have ever seen.

Dutch: That may make both of us, in fact, I don’t think Bad News realizes what has happened yet.

Grumpy: You think he is dumb don’t you?

Dutch: What? No?

Grumpy: Yes you do! And I am going to tell him! He is going to beat the living crap right you of you!

Dutch: No! Don’t!

Grumpy: He is going to take that stupid hat of yours, fill it with whoopass, and dump it on your head!!

Dutch: Please….don’t…..!

Grumpy: HAHA…you Eskimo eared fruitcake.

["Criminal" by eminem plays and the lights go out. As the song hits the chorus the arena in engulfed in flashing green and red lights. “The Delinquent” Leo Kirk walks out from behind the curtain wearing a black sleeveless shirt that says in green lettering: "I piss on your thoughts". He runs down the ramp giving the crowd the double finger and sticking out his pierced tongue. Leo steps up to the apron and flips over the top rope into the center of the ring and gives a crotch chop to the crowd uttering insults and foul language towards the "ungrateful" fans.]

Grumpy: See…I don’t get it. This guy causes so much trouble to Reaper it wasn’t even funny, and…somehow…he has been rehired. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

Dutch: Well the giant Leo Kirk is staring down at Bad News…who I am sure is afraid of no man. He asks Bad News for a test of strength…wait! Bad News just kicked him in the nuts!!! Now he throws him into the ropes and runs in with a nasty Clothesline, knocking the big man down hard! Kirk is shook up after than and slowly regains his footing…but in comes Bad News with a dropkick to his leg!! Bad News grabs Kirk by that Mohawk and starts pounding on his head…over and over again…Now he picks him up, Knife edge chop!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Dutch: And another!

Crowd: WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Grumpy: Ok, I am not going to stop till that gets banned from the building.

Dutch: Now Bad News sends Kirk flying into the ropes with an Irish Whip…he moves in for the backdrop…no, Kirk grabs him by the hair and thrust him down to the ground with authority! My god what impact! Kirk is touching his lip as I think it is split open…he looks pissed.

Grumpy: Yeah…I got a funny feeling that this is the end of Leroy Brown.

Dutch: Leo Kirk starts driving some heavy kicks down into the mid section of Bad News. Now he grabs him my the hair…wait, guerilla press!!! He got him up high above his head…and my god!!! He just let him drop!! Now Kirk grabs him by the head and throws him into the corner…Leroy is hurting bad…holy shit! Kirk just came in with a spear and drove Bad News hard into the corner! He rears back again and comes in with a shoulder tackle…and again! Now he raises to his feet…picks up Leroy, Gut wrench powerbomb into a pin…1…3…

Grumpy: Sure you can’t even count!!

Dutch: He kicks out! Now Kirk hooks him up…Steiner recliner! A super full nelson submission! Bad News is wishing now that he had hung up the boots. Leo Kirk is a lot bigger…a lot younger…and a lot…

Grumpy: Dumber…

Dutch: Bad News drives his foot bad and once again drives him with a nut shot, Roger’s didn’t see it! Now Bad News is out and trying to gather himself…Leo Kirk is in bad shape but is slowly getting back to his feet…wait! Bad News comes in, he goes for a snap suplex…wait, he can’t lifts him! Kirk reverses it and brings him down hard with a vertical suplex! Now Kirk is heading for the top rope…

Grumpy: Now what the hell does he think he is going to be doing up there!

Dutch: I don’t know but he is trying hard to get his footing…and he comes off for a giant elbow smash! Wait!! Leroy rose his foot and caught Kirk in the head! Kirk stumbles back a big and Leroy comes in with a driving boot to the midsection…the big bad buckles over and Bad News drops him to the mat with a piledriver…he goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it! Bad News has moved on!

“Delinquent” Leo Kirk has been eliminated

Grumpy: Good…now maybe he will retire like the rest of DN2 did.

Dutch: What about Extreme?

Grumpy: What about him?

Dutch:…Anyway, Bad News is trying to bring himself back together and now…

[Suddenly “Dust” By Cypress Hill begins to play and the crowd goes nuts.]

Dutch: Here he comes! The one man who hasn’t wrestled in 2 years but has already caused enough of a commotion in the OWF that he will never be forgotten again!

[Hoser, with his trust beer bag, strolls out onto the entrance ramp and lifts a beer high to the crowd. He looks around for a moment and then cracks it open, quickly shotgunning it before making his way to the ring.]

Dutch: Back in the ring, Bad News is waving at Hoser, and asking for a beer!

Grumpy: I think he is telling him…something about a strip club afterwards…a well.

Dutch: Well these men may be friends but they both want the gold, and when your involved in friendship with Bad News or Hoser, you fight more outside the ring than in it, so I am guessing that these men have no problems beating the living hell out of eachother. They lock up, whoa, some sort of martial arts takedown my Hoser and Bad News is seeing stars! Hoser waits for him to get up and now Bad News comes in…spinning roundhouse by Hoser and Bad News is cracked back down to the mat. This Hoser is quite the martial artist.

Grumpy: Drunken style.

Dutch: Well whatever it is, Hoser now moves in, he drives Brown into the ropes with a snap kick and as he comes back, overhead belly to belly suplex! He runs off the ropes, rolls over on his way to Brown, and now a standing senton bomb! My god! The fans are really getting into this!

Grumpy: I can’t see this lasting very long with Bad News…after all, just like the song says…he got a straight razor in his shoe…

Dutch: What song?

Grumpy: You’re kidding me…you culturally handicapped butt muncher.

Dutch: Wait! Bad News brings him down with a spinning toe hold! Now he hooks him up…Indian Deathlock out of nowhere by Bad News! He is locking on the pain as an evil grin comes across his face!! He is loving his! Hoser is holding on with everything he got, but, I don’t know if its going to be enough.

Grumpy: Hey, Dutch, do you think you can reach that beer case over there?

Dutch: No! Smarten up…I got my own drink right here…hehe…

Grumpy: You cheapskate, you’ve been holding out on me…fork it over!

Dutch: Here…

Grumpy[drinking]: ahhhhh…

Dutch: Well Hoser has managed to get to the ropes and has broken the hold…Bad News gets back to his feet…he runs at Hoser again…drop toe hold driving Bad News right into that exposed turnbuckle ring! Bad News drops down and now Hoser moves in behind him… just as Bad News’ head is next to that ring…drop kick by Hoser and crushes Bad News’ melon back into that steel! Now Hoser hoists him up…powerbomb!! He goes for the pin…1…2…3no, Bad News manages to kick out just in time!

Grumpy: You know…between me, you and the wood pile…I don’t know if I like the idea of going on tour…I mean, they don’t have beer this good down the states.

Dutch: Well, that’s true, but, we are touring Canada first.

Grumpy: Really?

Dutch: Yip…back in the ring, Hoser is waiting for Bad News to get back to his feet…he is slow to rise…wait, Hoser comes in with the superkick, but Bad News catches it, Enziguri!!! Bad News is heading to the top rope again!

Grumpy: Why does he do this, he is going to break his hip or something.

Dutch: Looks like he is going for the moonsault again…wait, Hoser is back up…he runs up the ropes and grabs Bad News from behind…wait! He twists around and jumps outside the ropes…belly to back suplex and its coming thi…

[The mikes go dead as Grumpy and Dutch clear the seen. Seconds later, both Hoser and Bad News come crashing down through the table. After about a count of 5, Hoser begins to move again and grabs Bad News by the head who seems to want to stay where he is. He throws him back into the ring and climbs up himself just before the count…a few moments later Dutch and Grumpy return to their positions.]

Grumpy: Dag Nabbit, the last two times that fool has been on this show, he has crashed through this table.

Dutch: Well you were lucky you could move this time…

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Back in the ring, Hoser grabs Bad News…wait, Bad News drives him with a low blow! Again, Rogers didn’t see it! Now he sets up the Bad Mojo! He swings back…wait! It was too close to the ropes and Hoser kicked them, driving him back over Bad News! Hoser lifts him up and repositions him…Mexican stretch bomb! It’s the bottoms up!! That’s one of his finishers! He goes for the pin…1…2…3…and he got it!! Hoser has won his first match here in the owf!!!

“Bad News” Leroy Brown has been eliminated

Grumpy: Quick, grab his beer before he knows we got em.

Dutch: Shush…be good…

[Suddenly, the theme song to “Ninja Gaiden” blares over the speakers as Shinobi 2 runs out and assaults the ring. When he gets half way there, Bad News trips him up and he goes flying. He quickly gets up, shakes himself off, and gets into the ring.]

Grumpy: Lord dying…I didn’t see these guys on the roster!

Dutch: They’re not, I don’t know what the hell they think they’re doing, but, Shinobi 2 is stalking around and making obscene gestures at Hoser.

Grumpy: Shinobi 2 is an obscene gesture.

Dutch: Well he runs towards Hoser, wait, Hoser clips him with a standing roundhouse kick and knocks him back…he moves in again and drives him with a snap kick and follows it up with a crescent kick, knocking the masked one into the corner. Hoser runs in for a splash, wait, Shinobi 2 raises his legs and cracks them over Hoser’s head! Hoser bounces back and Shinobi 2 takes him down with a bulldog!

Grumpy: Why didn’t these guys stay in the LWA, I hate them, I really, really do.

Dutch: Yeah, well, I don’t think they like you too much either. Shinobi goes for the cover…1..no, easy kickout by Hoser. Now Hoser pokes Shinobi 2 in the eye and flips up. He comes in…crippler crossface! He calls that move the Northern lights! And Shinobi 2 is taping!!! My god Hoser has moved on!

Shinobi 2 has been eliminated

Grumpy: You see, that how long every match should be.

["Train" by L.S.D. begins to play as Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain. He is wearing a bright green suit, and his short hair is slicked back with an unknown oily substance. He takes a second to adjust the cuff of his shirt sleeve, fires a cheshire smile at the fans, then heads to the ring. Behind Holbrook, the man known only as Uesugi steps through the curtain. His form is completely covered by a black robe, including his face. He walks deathly slow towards the ring, staring at the floor the entire way. On the back of his robe, in white script, is the word "Ashigaru". Holbrook jumps onto the ring apron, and holds the ropes for Uesugi. Stepping through the ropes, and removing his robe, Uesugi is finally revealed. He is shirtless, wearing simple black tights. There are no words or markings of any kind on his tights. Uesugi has shoulder-length black hair, which is soaking wet. He shakes his head, sending a spray of water across the ring, and finally looks up, and out to the audience.]

Dutch: I don’t know what to think of this guy…

Grumpy: You’re turned on aren’t yeah…I know you are.

Dutch: Stop it…this Uesugi looks very impressive…this should be quite the match.

Grumpy: What the hell is an Ashigiku?

Dutch: I don’t think that’s what it is but I guess its something written in Mongolian.

Grumpy: You’re a bloody Mongolian.

Dutch: Well both men are facing off…this Uesugi is just flawless in his stance…And Hoser…well…I think he is half cut.

Grumpy: I may be starting to get their myself.

Dutch: Both men lock up…wait, Hoser clamps down the side headlock, and now Irish Whips, Uesugi into the ropes…he comes back, spinning heel kick by Hoser!!! Wait!!! Uesugi just rolled under that kick and is now continuing off the ropes!!! He comes back…flying leg lariat!!! Hoser is down! Now Uesugi quickly goes for the top rope!! Moonsault! Wait! Hoser is out of the way and up! Uesugi crashes down hard but quickly gets back to his feet and right into an overhead belly to back suplex! Now Hoser starts stomping away on his opponent…wait, Uesugi grabs his foot…leg lock takedown!

Grumpy: Hmm…hey, I wonder how much we could make if we sold these two guys to an underground bareknuckle boxing organization?

Dutch: Both men break away from eachother and now face off again…Hoser comes in for a roundhouse but Uesugi ducks it, now Uesugi tries to repay the favor, but Hoser ducks it as well! But Uesugi follows up with a leg sweep! But Hoser jumps over it and grabs Uesugi by the head and down for a DDT! He goes for the pin…1…2.no, Uesugi kicks out! Now the Japanese Tornado is trying to get back to his feet…Hoser grabs him…Irish Whip into the ropes! Hoser goes for the dropkick but Uesugi holds on to the ropes! Now Uesugi comes in! Dropkick to the knee of Hoser!!!

Grumpy: Well, I think at this point it is official that Hoser no longer needs beer to stumble.

Dutch: Now Uesugi is going for the top rope! He leaps off for a guillotine leg drop! But wait! Hoser is half up! He grabs his leg in mid air and twists him around with a Dragon screw!! My god! He just plowed Uesugi into Rogers!!!! Rogers has fallen through the ropes and is out on the floor!!

Grumpy: And Holbrook is going nuts…look at him!!

Dutch: Ken Holbrook got a strange look on his face and is now running backstage as fast as he can!

Grumpy: Whus…he is just afraid that with no ref, Hoser is going to come out and kick his ass.

Dutch: Well…

Grumpy: And he is going to kick your ass too when I tells him what you said about him…

Dutch: But I didn’t say anything about him.

Grumpy: yeah…deny it now, but it won’t help when you’re on the receiving end of a beer buster!

Dutch: Leave me alone!

Grumpy: Ha…haha…

Dutch: Well back in the ring Hoser and Uesugi are looking around…and I think they just realized that their isn’t a ref…Both men charge outside the ropes at the same time, to opposite ends of the ring!!! Wait!!! Uesugi was tricking him!! Now Uesugi is back in the ring and flying! My god!!! He leaps off the turnbuckle…onto the ropes, and turns around on the ropes! Triple jump moonsault!!! And he connects square with Hoser who is busy trying to find a weapon!!! This is insane! Uesugi is slow to rise, but, he is up before Hoser and grabs him by the hair…wait! Hoser hooks him for an overhead belly to belly! Right over the guard railing and into the crowd!!

Grumpy: It’s a good thing that’s not Brian Thorn they threw in their…hmp…all the young boys would have him ripped to shreds…haha…hmp…

Dutch: You are a disgusting man.

Grumpy: But it’s true!

Dutch: That’s not the point!

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Hoser is getting his bearings…and now he is headed for the apron…He lifts off! Flying snap kick! Crack and now both men are in the crowd, twisted among limbs and steel chairs! Hoser is slowly getting up, he goes to grab Uesugi…no, steel chair right across the head, sending Hoser flying outside of the barricade! Now Uesugi is over and leaps off…short moonsault!!! The fans are loving this!

Grumpy: Of course…bloody newfies…if they know there is half a chance somebody will end up crippled…they love it.

Dutch: Now Uesugi is heading for the steel steps…he takes off the top step! Wait, he is putting it on upside down with those viciously sharp steel edges showing!!

Grumpy: God forbid Gyro or one of the other technicians would file them down.

Dutch: Now Uesugi is heading back at Hoser…wait! Hoser cracks him square in the nose, blood is going everywhere! Now he hooks him…Irish whip! Right into the steel turn post dangerously close to those steps. But Uesugi drives him back with a mule kick! Now the Tornado is climbing up onto the apron and gets ready for a moonsault! Wait, Hoser low blows him! Uesugi collapses in a puddle there on the apron! Hoser climbs up and starts choking him against the ropes…wait…he is looking at those inverted steps!!!

Grumpy: Number one law of physics in hardcore matches…

Dutch: My god! Hoser lifts Uesugi up…powerbomb right onto those jagged edges on that inverted steps! The steps topple over with Uesugi in them, now he is trapped under them!

Grumpy: The more elaborate the contraption, the more it’s going to hurt when your plans screw up and you get the brunt of it.

Dutch: Well Hoser is on the top rope!! He is looking down onto those mangled steps! My god! He leaps off! Wait! Uesugi scrambles out just in time, and Hoser crashes down into the steps!!!

Grumpy: Jesus…that is a nasty gash across Uesugi’s leg…blood is going everywhere.

Dutch: Well Uesugi grabs Hoser and flings him back into the ring…wait, here comes Holbrook! What the hell as he got!!

Grumpy: That looks like a scuba tank?!

Dutch: Holbrook is passing that tank to Uesugi who looks to be strapping it on! Now he is heading to the top rope!! My god!!! This man is insane!!!!

Grumpy: Hmp…must be going for a dive of some kind…haha…

Dutch: Uesugi is high up top, and he flies, Senton bomb!! My god! Wait! Hoser is out of the way! Uesugi nearly broke his own back with that and is now sprawled out in the middle of the mat. And I think rogers is finally up, yes, he is back, Hoser goes for the pin…1…2…3…he got it! Hoser wins!

Uesugi has been eliminated

Grumpy: Wait a sec…that’s it isn’t it?

Dutch: What do you mean?

Grumpy: Well, isn’t that everybody?

[The arena dims as "Unforgiven" by Apocalyptica slowly creeps into the ears of everyone in attendance. Capturing everyone for a moment, keeping them in a trance. Green and gray strobe lights flash and pulse slightly over the arena, disappearing as they collide with the entrance ramp. The crowd begins to draw their jacket collars tighter, some even begin to shiver as the temperature begins to drop slightly. The reapertron lights up. splashing images Drake Raynor devastating opponents with the Ending Note or Exiled Dreams/Snake-Bite combo and blasting quick of the “Hanging Fate“ suplex. Finally, all of this is engulfed in blue, digital flames. Then slowly, the disturbing face of Drake Raynor fades into view. And hazily in front of it you see…]

not a hero…

not a savior…

not a demon…

not a prophet...

[These short phrases fade from the realist as his face zooms into his blue eyes, burning with emotion, with rage, controlled rage…you are finally swallowed into complete darkness and then curtains part as Drake walks down to the ring confidently, calmly, a trained and controlled killer. Taking the same path as his next victim will shortly follow blindly to his death...As he reaches the ring he climbs in, never letting any emotion slip through. A death trance is locked on his opponent as he walks down the path to destruction.]

Dutch: Not…quite…

Grumpy: Whoa…Drake Raynor is the last man? This can’t be good for Hoser…I mean, I got nothing against Hoser, but, he is going to get his ass kicked…royally…

Dutch: Well Drake is staring down at Hoser who is trying to whip the blood and sweat from his face…Hoser kind a got that “you got to be kidding me” look on his face…but I sure you, this is no joke.

Grumpy: I don’t know, its pretty damn funny…even though, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…or even you.

Dutch: What are you talking about, you were praying he would come out earlier to beat up Thorn?

Grumpy: How did you remember that?

Dutch: Well fans, by the looks of it, Hoser is telling Drake to leave him alone for a second…looks like he is asking somebody to pass him up a beer…yip, and he starts drinking it down. I don’t think Raynor is too impressed by this. My god! Like lightning Raynor just drove that beer can into Hoser’s head with a nasty standing superkick!!!

Grumpy: And…it’s all down hill from here.

Dutch: Palm thrust by Raynor…and now a hook kick! He brings Hoser down hard and drives another palm thrust into his chest…Now he hooks him…step over armbar neck submission! Hoser is screaming out, but I don’t see Drake releasing that hold any time…

Grumpy: In the next 90 years…

[The Lone Wolf]

Dutch: Wait! Raynor actually did break the submission, and now he is grabbing Hoser by the hair…my god, stiff kick to the side of the head…nearly knocking Hoser off his feet…and another one!! Now he Irish Whips him into the unpadded turnbuckle! Ah god, Spear to the small of the back by Drake Raynor…followed up by a Full Nelson Suplex…and the pin…no, Raynor pulls him out of the pin??? I don’t get it…and now he hooks him, reverse crucifix armbar with neck submission…but be breaks it!

Grumpy: You see…if you fight somebody like, I don’t know, the black knight, well things are going to be over pretty quick. But, if you fight Drake Raynor…well his old name, Venom, fit him perfectly, because he is like a poison…a slow and very painful demise.

Dutch: You may be right, and, that may be exactly what Raynor is doing here tonight…just making an example. Wait! Hoser just drove a martial arts kick right into the head of Raynor…now he flings him into the ropes! Hoser may still have some fight left in him yet!! He waits for him, wait, Raynor is coming in for a vicious lariat! But Hoser gets him up over for a Samoan drop! Wait, he turns it into a Death valley driver at the last second!! My god!!! That may be just he impact needed to even things out a it!! Now Hoser limps up…he grabs Raynor into a submission…Mexican surfboard!!! But Raynor stays fast in his emotionless gaze! Hoser cranks the hold on but its no good, Raynor has no plans on submitting.

Grumpy: Still, I don’t know if it would be a good idea to break the hold…

Dutch: Well, after a few moments, he indeed does…now he drives a foot down into the head of Raynor and heads for the top rope…He climbs high…wait, Raynor is up and plummets into the ropes…Hoser falls in a bad, bad way and Raynor is moving up the ropes with him…he looks to be setting him up, he goes for the superplex…wait!!! My god!!! Hoser counters it!!!! Brainbuster!! Right off the top rope and into the fans!!! [1…] My god, these two must be broken in half!!!

[2…]

Grumpy: Hmp…I don’t like the idea of those two out here…

Dutch: Well neither man appears to be moving after that… [3…] …and I can’t say I blame them…what an impact…but that doesn’t’ t stop Rogers from administering that count…[4…]…wait! Raynor just flipped up!! That is impossible!!! He looks down at the mangled Hoser and is heading to the ring…he leaps over the barricade…[5…] …wait, Hoser is struggling to his feet…my god he leaps off the barricade with a missile drop kick to Raynor’s head, driving it into the turnpost!! [6…] Now Hoser climbs onto the apron, wait, Raynor grabs his foot!!! Hoser is struggling to get it free but its no good!! [7…] Now Raynor hooks him from behind…front face powerbomb right onto that cold hard concrete!!! [8…] Raynor is up and is heading for the apron! But Hoser trips him!!! Both of them are down and now both of them are scrambling to the ring… [9…] Raynor is in front…Hoser hooks him from behind…overhead belly to back suplex!! [10…] But the bells rings! It’s over!! Double countout!!!

No Contest

Grumpy: Lord Jesus…what a dumb way to end a match…Hmp…

Dutch: Well Raynor stands tall and faces off with Hoser again but both men just retreat…wait!! Raynor drives a superkick to the back of Hoser’s head!!! Now he grabs him…T-Bone suplex!!! Hoser is out and now Drake is just looking down at him!!! This is madness!!!

Grumpy: Hmp…

Dutch: Well Drake is finally leaving, and here come the Pimp daddy to help Hoser…wait…yip, PDP is offering his a beer and he seems to be getting up. And now they are leaving…

Grumpy: So who the hell is the number one contender?

Dutch: You got me…

[The lights dim and the Reapertron erupts in static again. Suddenly a rising sun once again replaces the screen, only now the sun is higher in the sky. The dot has enlarged greatly to the silhouette of a man. No distinct features can be made out, but a wide brimmed hat and a long jacket can be easily seen. The man walks with a long staff in his hand. Suddenly the screen erupts in static again.]

Grumpy: Huh?

Dutch: That’s twice that has happened…

Grumpy: What, do we have a bunch of monkeys in the production truck???

Dutch: Well fans, I am being told that in a moment we will be cutting to an interview held earlier today by CH to Archangel. But, apparently, there is something else going on backstage as well…

[The scene cuts to show a sprite drink machine. A Moment later, we see the Delinquent Leo Kirk, placing a bear trap just into a dark corner near the machine…he dims the lights a bit more, and then takes off laughing…then, the scene cuts to show Good ole CH sitting down in a nice chair, with the world champ, Archangel, sitting across from him.]

CH: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, everyone's favorite interviewer Good Ole CH here, and with me is the one and only, the first and current OWF Champion, Archangel. We stand here at the rebirth of the OWF, and what I want to know is, Archangel, as our champion, what do you have in store for the returning OWF?

Archangel: Hopefully more than they can handle, CH. Five months is a long time to sit, wish and think about what could have been. It seems we've all been given a second chance at life as it would be. Especially a few men who didn't fair as well in the tower match. I'm just happy to see the OWF back on its feet, regardless of how Marcus actually got us up and running again. I've always enjoyed this place...the competition...the crowds...and the matches. Nothing matches the OWF...and I'm going to hold up to that statement as the World Champion of this federation.

CH: Nothing matches the OWF, indeed. You spoke of a few men who didn't fair as well in the tower match. One of those men is Brian Thorn. Thorn has been very vocal in his belief that he was the true winner of the Tower match, and also very vocal in his distaste for how you took home the gold. Do you have anything to say to Brian Thorn in regards to his comments?

Archangel: Brian Thorn is a sad case indeed...always clinging to his ideas of his so-called perfection. The man annoys me, and quite frankly I couldn't care less about what HE think happened in that match. The fact of the matter was, even after his little show of mercy failed to take me off that tower, Brian Thorn could not get the job done himself. We were back on the tower, man to man, and Brian Thorn lost that battle. Only the men that take the greatest risks reap the greatest rewards, and I took that risk as I drop kicked him off the cable to the floor twenty feet below. I'll let him cling to whatever reality he chooses to believe, but the fact of the matter remains, all he has are his words...I'm the man with the gold [raising the belt over his head].

CH: That truly was a stunning moment when you dropkicked Thorn all the way to the concrete. Another stunning moment features another man who didn't fair as well in the Tower. I don't think I'll ever forget the site of you Crucifix powerbombing Drake Raynor to the ground forty feet below. Many people thought Raynor was dead after that fall, you yourself voiced a similar thought, but now we all know that the enigmatic Raynor is far from dead. You have quite the past with that dark soul. Tell me, Archangel, what did you think when you heard that Drake Raynor would be back here in the OWF?

Archangel: I've said before how Drake and I are so alike...and yet so very different...and quite frankly, when I was told he would be returning, I was less than ecstatic. My thoughts of his return are bitter sweet. On one hand, it is incredibly difficult to fight a man that bares no care for his own well-being. Raynor is willing to sacrifice himself completely in order to create pain within his opponent. His mindset is eerie and disturbing. Yet he brings out the greatest fighter in me. He drives me with a channeled anger and hatred that few if any other fighters spark within me. He is the Yin to my Yang. Opposites and yet the same. And yet I'm sure he'll find disdain in my comparing myself to him and vice versa...but this is how I feel. Raynor is a fighter...pure and evil. He is a menace to my world...and yet he is a fuel that feeds me.

CH: I'm sure that all those who were witness to Very Bad Things can attest to the fact that Raynor does indeed bring out the best in you. Between your singles match and the closing moments of the Tower, the two of you provided some of the very best of Very Bad Things, and I, for one, would be more than happy to see you two lock up again. The results would surely be phenomenal, and Raynor without a doubt would be a worthy contender for that title[points to belt]. But he wouldn't be the only worthy contender. Hoser put it best when he said that half the roster here is comprised of former world champions from one fed or another, and I don't think any other federation out there can match the talent level of our roster. What do you think about your fellow wrestlers and what are your thoughts on defending your title against the numerous worthy opponents the OWF has to offer?

Archangel: Indeed the OWF seems to be a federation of champions...each of us holding belts here and there in other federations. So I see this as clean slate...we've all touched gold and therefore are on somewhat of an equal playing field. This federation is, without question the best of the best. We stand alone with the most talented roster I've ever seen, which makes for greater matches...higher risks...bigger payoffs in the end. The talent here just heightens the entire experience. Everything becomes bigger and better just because of level of ability. And I must say I'm honored and proud to be a champion of champions...it heightens my game, and hopefully in doing so, it will heighten other's to catch me.

CH: One man who seems anything but honored that you arose to be the champion of champions is Lee F'n Todd. You say that the OWF is the best of the best, and I absolutely agree with you, but it seems that Mr. Todd is a little upset with how strongly you've praised the OWF over others, in particular, the FHW. Lee was very upset with your negative comments toward the federation where he holds gold, and seemed to be very anxious to get a piece of you because of it. What do you think of Lee F'n Todd's reaction?

Archangel: Lee Todd's reaction is one of ignorance. I made the FHW my home for a good three years, working under President Brown and, for a short while, President Hawkins. I created a name for myself, eventually held every belt in the federation at least once. The federation eventually went to Hell...the talent pool waned...I grew bored with my job there and left once Kurt Tremere took over the federation. It was no longer FHW...not the FHW I knew. A different federation that merely possessed the same name. But the action, ability and talent no longer stepped in between those ropes any longer. Lee Todd is, of course, the World Champion of that federation at the moment. I'm not bad-mouthing the FHW...I'm merely stating my feelings on the federation that I left behind...which was no longer FHW...it was something that fell far short of the FHW I knew. But that's of no matter now, because if Mr. Todd wants to compete here, in the OWF, he has much more to worry about. He's just stepped up to the base of a much larger hill...and I'm the one standing atop it.

CH: There are a good number of superstars here who'd love nothing more than to knock you off the top of that hill. The most vocal in his claims to be able to topple you, and in fact, the whole federation, has been Hoser. What do you have to say to the man that's made a challenge to the entire federation that you champion?

Archangel: I've always thought that any man that made a challenge to the entire federation was doing nothing more than seeking attention. Everyone I've ever seen make such a challenge has walked into the ring with his opponent and been left lying face up for the three count. But Hoser seems to be different...far different from that. Few men test their ability by starting riots in clubs and seeing how many men they can take before being pried from the rubble...but he did. I admire his drive and determination. He'll definitely be involved in some of the greater matches this federation will be seeing. He's another man who's not afraid to go to extremes...he's a fighter, a brawler, and has little regard for his own well-being...the man's dangerous, but I welcome danger.

CH: If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about another man who's been called fighter, brawler, dangerous, and many other names over the years. A man who's no stranger to riotous bar fights, for that matter. Archangel, everyone knows that Crusader is your best friend and greatest ally in the world, but thanks to one man, Crusader has been missing and presumed dead for months now. How do feel about being in the same federation as "Bad News" Leroy Brown, the man responsible for the loss of Crusader?

Archangel: My heart and mind has always sought for a resolution...some type of easing of my pain. Crusader was a friend, one of the few I've ever had. Few men earn my trust...he was one of the few. The loss of my greatest friend was a pain that no punch, kick, or suplex could even compare to. But in his death I have been left with a driving force that motivates and enriches me in my fights. Even in death, Crusader has stood by me. Leroy Brown has already stood in my path, albeit briefly, during the tower match. I made short work of him and eliminated him with ease...yet I know I will have many more confrontations with that man. I do not fear him, nor any other man in this federation. But I will always have an eye out for Leroy...always watching...always aware.

CH: I'm sure you will be. Well, Archangel, that's all I have to ask, so if you have any closing words, go ahead, and if not, thank you for your time, and once again, congratulation on being the first OWF champion.

Archangel: Thanks, CH.

CH: Thank you.

[The scene cuts back to backstage where we once again see that lonely sprite drink machine. Moments later, Rick Valmont is seen walking towards it…he puts in his dollar, makes his choice out of the 3 different sprite buttons there and then begins to leave…just as the scene fades and we hear a vicious SNAP! A few moments later the crowd in the arena go nuts as the scene shifts to Archangel’s dressing room. Moments later we see the champion enter the room and then freeze at the site of a bouquet of white flowers with one golden one in the middle. The scene then cuts back to the drink machine where we see Doc Andrews and a horde of MT’s desperately trying to get the bear trap off of the obviously broken leg of Rick Valmont. Then, the scene cuts back to Grumpy and Dutch…]

Dutch: MY GOD! Rick Valmont has just walked into a bear trap!!!

Grumpy: And the bloody newfs are cheering…and they like the guy…they are off their wacker.

Dutch: Well fans, I guess it is ti…

[The Reapertron comes into view again as once again the man appears on the screen. This time the sun is no longer in view, long since moved off the screen. The man is nothing but a black silhouette on the screen. Still walking forward, the screen slowly zooms in on his face that is shrouded in darkness by the wide brimmed hat. The man slowly raises his head, not revealing his face, but instead revealing a Cheshire cat smile. Once again the scene fades to static.]

Grumpy: Ok, this shit better hurry up and bloody subside…it’s starting to piss me off.

Dutch: Hey, whats going on here?

Grumpy: Where are these two going?

[Suddenly, from behind Dutch and Grumpy, we can see Hoser and PDP running through the crowd. They come up to the commentators table, hide behind the barricade, Hoser even grabbing Dutch’s colonial hat to wear in disguise. ]

Dutch: Hey!

Hoser: Shhhh…calm down eh, we are hiding, we are being chased my irate prostitutes…

PDP: Yeah, and their out for blood too.

Hoser: Shit, here they comes…

[Hoser throws the colonial hat back to Dutch as the two vanish through the crowd, moments later, an army of screaming ugly women rampage past and continue after them.]

Dutch: Well, whatever the hell is going on, it’s time for our championship match…

Grumpy: Hmp…I hope my lady wasn’t with them…then again, I am not really looking forward to tons of luv tonight.

Aspen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OWF World Outlaw Championship!!!

[The fans around the arena go nuts…]

Aspen: Firstly, the challenger, he comes from places unknown and weights in at 250lbs. He is the president of the OWF, “THE REAPER” MARCUS ASH!!!!



Where do bad folks go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
They go to the lake of fire and fry
Won't see them again 'till the fourth of July…

[Suddenly another blast of static triggers a very familiar voice which speaks simply…“Lets Dance…”, as a Gunshot sounds bringing to life the disturbing sounds of Marilyn Manson’s “AntiChrist Superstar”. The fans explode as the pictures of a hand of poker cards, three 8s and two aces, Dead mans Hand, shimmers over the Reapertron and is replaced by pictures of strip clubs, bar room brawls, the anatomy of a shotgun and the gleaming black hull of a 1969 Dodge Charger 426 hemi. A pulsing gray and black light begins flickering wildly around the crowd and then, step by step, two dirty black boots caress the stage followed by the duster wearing, long haired, unshaven smug face of the one and only “President” Marcus “The Reaper” Ash. His eyes hid by his silver sunglasses as in one hand he holds his finest double barrel shot gun while gambling away his life in the smoke of a sweet Cuban cigar. His arrogant face erupts into a slick smile as he stares around the arena, the crowd administering his self-proclaimed godhood, or more correctly, anti-godhood. Every chant from the crowd brings Reaper closer and closer to the ring, until finally he leaps upon the apron, steps through the ropes, and stand like a god in the middle, his arms stretched high, and the roar around him seemingly making him a deity. He lowers his arms and stares around, steadily smiling as he paces around the ring in anticipation. Finally, he sheds his usual Duster and flings it aside revealing a black sleeveless shirt.]

Aspen: And his opponent!!! Coming to the ring from Paradise PA, he weighs in at 285 pounds, he is the OWF World Outlaw Champion…he is…Archangel!!!

[The crowd erupts as “Unforgiven II” hits the PA system and works up its climactic beginning. As the guitar’s brash chords hit, black rose petals fall from atop the rampway and Archangel walks out with Gabriel by his side. Archangel wears his usual black trench coat with wrestling attire underneath while Gabriel wears his black suit and white button down shirt with the top button undone. Then Archangel holds up his Championship belt. The two stop atop the rampway and survey the crowd as the Reapertron flashes “Legacy” on it in various ways, along with showing Archangel in various great fights of his past. Archangel and Gabriel finally begin to walk slowly down the rampway looking totally focused. Archangel climbs onto the apron and steps over the top rope as Gabriel ducks underneath it. Archangel chooses a corner and stands on the second turnbuckle. He looks around momentarily, then throws his head back and his arms out in a crucifix-like position. He steps back onto the canvas and removes his trench coat and hands it to Gabriel. ]

Dutch: Both men are staring off as they are awaiting the bell to ring…

[Suddenly, A cold wind eerily begins to circulate around the crowded arena. Fans hold their loves one tight as the cold moves from a simple chill to spine tingling…and then, slowly, the arena fades into darkness…]

Grumpy: Light and power are going to have a field day when they finds out who has been turning these bloody lights on and off…

Dutch: I don’t know…

[The sound of rain can be heard and then upon the Reapertron, clouds roll in its wake. Within them lightning erupts and a thunderclap brings the simple wind to a raging gale. The fans wince in the cold wind but they cannot sit down, no, they have to see. ]

Dutch: Fans, I honestly don’t know what the hell is going on around here, but, it appears as if we are getting some light…an eerie blue light but light none the less. In the ring, Archangel and Reaper are just staring out in amazement.

Grumpy: This is strange indeed…could be the damnedest thing I have ever seen.

Dutch: Hold me…

Grumpy: Smarten up!

[Suddenly, a strange choir can be heard over the speakers…]

“Keep the home fires burning…while our hearts are churning…”

[Another booming clap brings a pair of eyes, one black and one white unto the screen and a voice, ever so calm yet devastating at the same time…”Come rot with me”. Suddenly the lights erupt in a pulsing of blue and black light while “Who am I?” by Breach of Trust kicks in its harrowing sounds. Images flush over the screen and soon they depict the art of war, child abuse, people hanging in the streets, the atomic bomb, a thug getting shot in the back of the head by a cop, women being beat and finally the image of a lone man being crucified. That man, that man is the same man who rampaged through feds such as the LWA and FHW undefeated…that man, that man is the same man who committed the first live crucifixion on television…that man, that man who should be locked up forever with the key destroyed…he is Daemon Krav…]

Dutch: MY GOD!!!!! MY GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!! DAEMON KRAV!!!!! DAEMON KRAV!!!!! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!!

Grumpy:…

[Then he stares up and down below a river of white light releases the unforgiven one himself. Daemon Krav stares through his half black, half white, comedy tragedy mask, peeking out from his heavy black cloak and lowers his head, raising his arms straight out like some sort of scarecrow. Upon his shoulder is Shadow, his faithful ferret who squeaks as the light shifts revealing the black glint of the “hand of krav”, his clawed gauntlet. Krav slowly raises his eyes and step by step makes his way to the ring. He climbs through the ropes and stands stern in the middle of the ring. He slowly disrobes the cloak revealing the mask, his scarred and bloody body and his glimmering gauntlet. Once again he forms the shape of the scarecrow while the fans simply watch their every fear manifest themselves before them. Both Archangel and Marcus Ash simply stare in utter confusion…and maybe…perhaps…even fear.]

Dutch: Krav is in the OWF! He must have been hired by his old associate Marcus Ash to destroy the last surviving member of Legacy…he must have been hired to destroy the world Champion…Archangel!!! Krav is simply staring an empty look into the crowd, not looking at either individual! Ash is stepping up to him…he is in his face and yelling…I don’t know what the hell is going on here…wait a sec!!! Krav just drilled Ash in the guts with that gauntlet! Now he spins around with a deadly spin kick to the side of his head, laying him out in the ring!!! Krav is onto of Ash and pounding him over and over with that gauntlet, Reaper’s face is being beaten into a pulp!!!

Grumpy:…

Dutch: Archangel doesn’t know what to do, but, he finally grabs Krav and turns him around…my god! Krav drills him across the head with that Gauntlet…and now a superkick, knocking him outside the ropes!! Krav is automatically returning his attention to Reaper who is a bloody pulp on the ground! Krav picks him up, Ash is kneeling opposite Krav, and now Krav hooks him in a reverse chinlock…oh god!!! He leaps forward!!! That’s the Stigmata!!! Ash is screaming with everything he got but it doesn’t matter, Krav is heartless, he is evil! Archangel is trying to gather himself outside the ring after being sideswiped by that gauntlet! What the hell!! Krav is repositioning himself so that Ash has to look at the entrance ramp!!!

Grumpy:…

[Suddenly, the lights once again pledge themselves to darkness. An a moment later…we see the Reapertron come to life as images of an old man in a rocking chair come into play. Then, over the speakers, we here the theme to “the godfather” movies. After a few seconds, a voice can be heard…some sort of strange quote…]

[The Lone Wolf]

“You have come here from all over the world because society has no further use for you…

This place, will now be your holding pen until your death…

I am very good at this business…because I make all the rules…

But if you break any of my rules, you’ll find out there is life after death”

[Suddenly the old man in the chair raises a gun to his head and begins to pull the trigger. Just before the bang, a bolt of red lightning hits the Reapertron and “Hells Bells” by AC DC begins to echo.]

Dutch: Grumpy!! Grumpy!!!

Grumpy:…

Dutch: I don’t…

Grumpy: This is the god damn end of the world is what this is!!!!!! I’m out of here!!!!!!

[Grumpy gets up from his desk and takes off through the crowd, various vulgarities being launched behind him.]

Dutch: Where the hell are Seun and Rogers…they are nowhere to be seen!!!

[Suddenly from out of the entrance curtain, we see two men, one of them dressed is dressed in full military officer suit with a green beret covering his scarred head…the second man wears a long black tweed overcoat with his long hair in a ponytail. Both of them simply stare out over the crowd.]

Dutch: My god! If my eyes are deceiving me, those men are the Green Beret! Former LWA champion! And Nicolaus McOwen! Former FHW champion!!!

[As the crowd erupts in boos, a third man walks out behind him. He wears a long black longcoat, tainted red with a bit of shimmer. His black hair is neatly cut and his eyes burn a deep red as if his contacts produced flames…]

Dutch: My god!!! That’s Kincaid!!!!!!!!!!! Kincaid is here!!!!!!! Kincaid, McOwen and Beret are walking to the ring where Krav has got Ash nearly killed!! All three enter and now Kincaid has a mike, he is getting right in Ash’s face!!!

Kincaid: Hello Mr. Ash…I am sorry, but, I don’t know what delusions of grandeur you have been parading yourself with, but, this is MY FED!!! It is at this time I now fire, you, Cid, and your pathetic T-Rex permanently…oh I will keep the rest of your staff…after all, if they weren’t tied up in the back, they would be out here trying to save you. You see Mr. Ash, I now have complete control, with my new vice president Green Beret, my new commissioner, Nick McOwen…and my new personal torture device…Mr. Krav. Oh it amazes me…he used to be just as independent as you…but, a bit of mind washing, and my god, what a weapon he makes. ITS OVER REAPER!!!!!! ITS OVER FOR YOU FOREVER!!!!!!

Dutch: My god!! Kincaid is taking over the fed!!!!! Archangel is back up!!! And Gabriel is with him!!! They drives themselves into Krav, forcing him to release the hold on Ash! Archangel is now being cornered by all four men…this can’t be good for the champion!!!

Kincaid: Ah yes…Mr. Archangel…Our World Champion…you see…that belt, it means nothing to me…nor do you. Mr. Krav…end his career…

[As Krav makes a dart towards Archangel, all the lights in the arena suddenly go dark. Moments pass until the word Legacy suddenly explodes on the Reapertron. All the fans around the arenas erupt in chaos as the words flash on the screen. Suddenly the word disappears as “Take a Look Around” by Limp Bizkit begins to blare. The fans suddenly fall to silence in shock at a song that is unfamiliar to the words Legacy. A spot light suddenly flashes on the reapertron to reveal a sole figure standing on the entrance ramp. The man is clad in a wide brimmed hat and a long jacket. The Reapertron comes back online all of a sudden as the pictures of the man walking down the road appear again. Suddenly all the lights in the arena come back on so the man’s features can be seen. The man is tall and well built. His hair is snow white and of a medium length with one strand of blond hair hanging over his one eye. He has a carefully trimmed blond goatee and wears a long white trench coat with painted flames on the bottom and a pair of oakley A-wires. His wrestling tights have a dragon on one pant leg and the word chaos on another. A very wide Cheshire cat smile is spread across his face. The fans have never cheered any louder in Mile one stadium. The man gets into the ring and stands next to Archangel…his old friend…]

Dutch: Ha..HU…Ha..Hu…i…I am having tro…trouble……ITS CRUSADER!!!!!! Cough…urg…Mygo…

[Dutch’s mike goes dead as he faints at ringside. Inside the ring, Crusader and Archangel stand side by side as Kincaid pulls the troops out of the ring…with one last warning in the gestures of Daemon Krav…]

Crusader and Archangel: THIS MAY BE YOU’RE FED!!!!!! BUT THIS IS OUR EDEN!!!!!!!

[“Take a look around” begins to play again as both Archangel and Crusader pick up the unconscious and limp body of Marcus Ash and begin bringing him to Doc Andrews who meets them on the stage with a stretcher…]

[Fade to Black]

["The Reaper" Marcus Ash]

Holy shit! That's the OWF Gauntlet...where the hell did you find that?

[The Lone Wolf]

I am just that awesome

[zi]

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