Ultimate Dream Matches

["The Reaper" Marcus Ash]

And who do you think would win each one?

[Alistair "Stainless" Steele]

Come on, the victor is obvious here. BTJ all the way. lol

["The Reaper" Marcus Ash]

Daemon Krav vs The Undertaker
-I know he's my character, but i got to go with Krav nonetheless. The undertaker, in his prime especially, is one of the most agile big men in the sport, which would be a big advantage. However, Krav, while not as large, is faster, and could decimate taker's street fighting style with his ninjitsu. Also, The undertakers greatest power is the ability to defeat his opponents before the match starts, through intimidation with his 'darkside' and dead man persona, however against Krav it would be useless. The scare tactics would simple wash over Krav, and Taker, in the end, would simply be another big man for him to cut down.

Craig Lassiter vs Stone Cold Steve Austin
-A battle of beer and insults no doubt, and in the end there would be alot of blood. While both men are tough, Austin's knees are a major weekness, one Craig would easily exploit with the bonesaw. In the end, Austin would be dropping, and it would be Lassiter who would be victorious.

Curtis Slamm vs The Rock
-This would be a battle of wit and words no doubt, and in the ring it would be very close. Both have huge egos that pretty much cancel eachother out. But in the end my money is on Slamm. Slamm has been through hell and back in his personal life, something the rock knows nothing about. That would give him the edge he needs to take the great one and lay him out with the Fab Slamm. Its over.

Brian Thorn vs Kurt Angle
-Kurt Angle may be the greatest wrestler alive today, and he would need it going up against the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man. Thorn, while egotistical, rarely looses his cool or lets that ego get the best of him. And Angle, once locked onto a target, never relents. In the end i think it would be a no contest, both men fighting for an hour or more, before collapsing for the 10 count.

The Reaper Marcus Ash vs The Sandman
-Unlike Thorn, Reaper does let his ego get him in trouble in the ring, and against the sandman that would be a major problem. When it comes to toughness, neither man could throw anything against the other that they couldn't rebound from, however, other than his ego, Reaper has a major weekness that could catch up on him. With a bad heart, if Reaper gets too excited, he could be in alot of trouble, leaving room for the Sandman to take the win.

Lonegunman Kevin Burke vs Taz
-Precision is the name of the game here, something both men know very well. While very few are as lethal as Taz, the gunman got him beat. The human suplex machine would do his damage, but when he least expects it, he will be going down to the consiracy theory.

Crusader Arthur Sage vs Sting
-Crusader, while a legend, is in trouble here. He has proven that he is too obsessed over past grudges, and that obsession has lead to a fragile and broken mind. This, could make him either extremely dangerous, or it could be a detriment against the of the masters of the mind game. It will do little good for Sting to clamp on the scorpion death lock, as Crusader would never give in, his mind too broken to even realize what was happening. If Sting is going to win, he has to knock Crusader out. If Crusader cannot keep his mind on the match and off the past, then he will lose.

Pimp Daddy Pug vs Samoa Joe
-Pimp Daddy Pug, at 6'6" is one of the best big martial artists in wrestling, but Samoa Joe is a monster, and a lethal one, with barrage of moves designed to cripple and maim. In the end i think the Somoan will take the win, taking advantage of PDP's showboating to get the win, but he will come out of it knowing he was in a fight, i garentee it.

Threat Shane Brandon vs Triple H
-Threat all the way. Triple H is a dangerous, dangerous man, especially when he starts to lose his mind and brings out the sledge hammer. But the Threat can take what he has to throw at him, and then outlast him, with far greater endurance and conditioning. Triple H will be out, but Threat will be physcially scarred for the rest of his life.

Nathan Benjamin vs Dean Malinko
-The master of 1000 moves, Dean Malinko, vs the man with 5000 ways to make you tap out, Nathan Benjamin, would be a technical masterpiece up until the point that the annoying Benny the Cameraman got involved. With Benny being a major influence in the match, Malinko will be outmanned and not be able to deal with both of them. Benjamin wins.

Tigerclaw vs Rick the Dragon Steamboat
-God knows where tigerclaw is these days, but if he had ever wrestled the Dragon i believe he would have lost. Tigerclaw, while a master martial artist, is too absorbed in the art of martial arts, than the combat himself, and the dragon, with his blend of martial arts aned wrestling, would topple him.

The Firk'n Scot vs Roddy Piper
Dear old Firk, rest his soul, would not even get a chance to fight Piper in the ring as they began insulting eachother back and forth, and then brawling backstage, with both ending up arrested. If they did get in the ring, then the Firk'n one would take it, for while Piper could wrestle, he would not be able to handle the hardcore chaos thrown at him by the man god made a wee bit better.

Philipae vs Mick Foley
-If carnage could be truely captured in a performance, than this match would have it. Philipae, the prince of pandemonium, the lunatic genius, would throw the most insane and rediculous weapontry imaginable at the toughest man in wrestling, and sometimes, equally insane, mick foley. In the end both men would end up half dead surrounded by barbed wire and cotton candy, neither able to cover the other, poor old Boo flicking peanuts at the commentators.

The Sentinel vs Hulk Hogan
-This would be a battle of the brutes, no doubt. The Sentinel would begin with pure power, taking Hogan down over and over, until Hogan began to Hulk up. Here we would see the tables turn, but only for a while, until the rage of a 1000 battls builds up in the Sentinel. Nothing hogan could throw at him would take Sentinel down, and in the end, the hulkster would face his judgement day.

Hoser vs Shawn Michaels
-Shawn Michaels would take it, simply because Hoser would get too drunk before the match because he was too excited for fighting a legend like Michaels to start with. Sure he would have his moments, and the battle would be intense...but in the end his legs would give, and the heart break kid would take the victory.

Archangel vs Kane
-While Kane is impressive as a high flyer for a man his size, Archangel can nearly fly with his extensive range of deathdeffying moves. A man of his size coming at you from above is not someting Kane is used to, and in the end, he would be defeated by it. Though it would be interesting to see what would happen if Gabriel tried to catch Kane on fire.

Lee F'n Tood vs Bret Hart
-This match would be filled with Hart and soul, literally. At times it would be a brawl, and at times it would be a technical masterpiece. In the end it would be too close to call, and the battle could go either way.

Aspen Sage vs Chris Jericho
-That crazy mouth of Jericho's would be left hanging the moment the beautiful Aspen Sage stepped in the ring, and if she happend to remove her shirt, then Jericho is finished. If he could somehow manage to get his composure, he would begin to lose his cool once he realized that he was not only wrestling a woman, but one that was very tough and could punch very, very hard. He would lose it, and Aspen would win.

Better than Jesus Gary Frat vs Andre the Giant
-Let me go on record by saying that Andre the Giant would kill Gary Frat. I am serious. Gary Frat would die in this match. And good ridance.

Anyway, i hope you enjoyed this retrospective, i tried to be realistic with it and compare the features of each wrestler. Anyone else out there want to try it?

[Shane Brandon]

admin said:

Threat Shane Brandon vs Triple H
-Threat all the way. Triple H is a dangerous, dangerous man, especially when he starts to lose his mind and brings out the sledge hammer. But the Threat can take what he has to throw at him, and then outlast him, with far greater endurance and conditioning. Triple H will be out, but Threat will be physcially scarred for the rest of his life.

Dear god, what did Triple H actually do with that sledgehammer? I at least hope it was the handle end...

My take: An extremely confident Brandon accepts the match, strutting to the ring awash in unmistakable arrogance. Once the bell rings however, Brandon, who has been a part of the OWF, FCW...and then the FCW again but never had a match in any of these defunct feds (really, look it up), has forgotten that joining an organization does occasionally require actual wrestling. Shocked, slightly confused and possibly even emotionally hurt, Brandon taps during the stare down and retires on the spot. He can now be found extolling the virtues of the flank steak on your favorite shop-at-home network.

Welcome back, Dave

[Craig Lassiter]

Here's my rather cynical take.

Krav Vs Undertaker
-Time limit draw as the intros of both men are still incomplete when the ref calls for the bell.

Craig Lassiter Vs Stone Cold
-Lassiter gets sucked into chugging beer with Austin, then gets stunnered out of nowhere. No contest.

Slamm Vs The Rock
-The match is hyped for over 6 months, then falls apart due to contract disputes.

Thorn Vs Kurt Angle
-Both men put on an absolute spectacle of mixed wrestling styles that puts the crowd on their feet for 30 minutes before Jeff Jarrett and Lee Todd cause a double DQ. Everyone asks for their money back.

Marcus Ash Vs The Sandman
-Starts off good before the athletic commission shuts it down and fines everyone in attendance.

Burke Vs Taz
-Burke jumps up behind Taz before the intros and tells him he found the "z" he lost. Taz won't be fooled, and chokes him out. Double countout.

PDP Vs Samoa Joe
-PDP calls Joe a 'fat bastid', then spends the next 3 weeks eating through a straw.

Shane Brandon vs Triple H
-Brandon delays as long as possible before entering the ring. HHH steps through the ring ropes and his calf muscle rolls up to his thigh. He's out for 9 months and Brandon takes credit for doing it. Brandon also tells everyone HHH's sledge is made of rubber, which makes the Game cry.

I could continue, but...

[The Lone Wolf]

Daemon Krav vs The Undertaker
Krav

Craig Lassiter vs Stone Cold Steve Austin
Lassiter

Curtis Slamm vs The Rock
The Rock

Brian Thorn vs Kurt Angle
Angle, it's not even close

The Reaper Marcus Ash vs The Sandman
Ash

Lonegunman Kevin Burke vs Taz
Burke

Crusader Arthur Sage vs Sting
Sting

Pimp Daddy Pug vs Samoa Joe
Samoa Joe

Threat Shane Brandon vs Triple H
Brandon

Nathan Benjamin vs Dean Malinko
Benjamin

Tigerclaw vs Rick the Dragon Steamboat
Steamboat

The Firk'n Scot vs Roddy Piper
Firky

Philipae vs Mick Foley
No contest

The Sentinel vs Hulk Hogan
Hogan... He's Hogan, I can't vote against him, even for myself... I am touched that you gave me the win, though, Dave

Hoser vs Shawn Michaels
HBK, but we'd all still like Hoser more

Archangel vs Kane
Archangel, just barely

Lee F'n Tood vs Bret Hart
Who the hell is Lee Tood? I'm betting surprised entrant Lee TODD wins the match

Aspen Sage vs Chris Jericho
Aspen whoops him

Better than Jesus Gary Frat vs Andre the Giant
Andre eats him

["The Reaper" Marcus Ash]

Oh man, Colin, yours are just retarded. And it seems mr. Brandon has decided to speak....hey buddy, its good to see you.

[Tumbler]

Lee Todd!!!!!!!! Lee Todd!!!!!!!! But no Tumbler the guy that may actually be joining well Mr Snow prepare for me to write my name on you you Bastard!!!!!

[The Lone Wolf]

Yup, the better Todd gets the mention

[Tumbler]

That comment means nothing coming from a man that said who's Lee Todd.

Sooooooo may I say goodday to you sir! I said GOODDAY!!!!!

[The Lone Wolf]

Actually, dumbass, I said "who's Lee Tood?" mocking the fact that Dave spelled his name wrong, but apparently just having the same last name isn't enough for someone of your intellectually capacity to pick up on things like this

[Alistair "Stainless" Steele]

And you sir, have spelled "who's" incorrectly. Maybe it's a silent "e" but who knows?

[Puppet]

Ooh, let's play spelling ping-pong!

[The Lone Wolf]

No, I didn't... you can prove nothing!

[Curtis Slamm]

-Daemon Krav vs The Undertaker

This would have to be an INFERNO MATCH with the ring on fire and the match taking place on a 20 foot high scaffolding (sorry with the American Bash coming up or what Vince has marketed as the GAB, I am nastaglic especially since I really need to see some wrestling and forget about all this death crap). Someone in this match must burn in hell! (couldn't resist) The Taker's only chance ressurect the American Bad Ass...no one can scare Krav or psyche him out but I think someone can beat the hell out of him, I hope. (Sorry that was in character )

WINNER: KRAV by fall into fire at 12:56 because Taker went for the Clothesline from hell and Krav uses a front leg sweep to send the Taker flying.

-Craig Lassiter vs Stone cold Steve Austin & Curtis Slamm vs The Rock

Lassiter and Slamm meet backstage and agree it would benefit each other to switch matches but as Stone Cold sets Slamm up for a stunner The Rock come sout of the crowd pops Austin, Slamm gets the win. Lassister comes out and after a couple minutes of offense on The Rock Slamm pops Lassister with a chairshot and The Rock delivers the Rock Bottom. Then the two get on the mic and try to sell the entire crowd every piece of merchandise the two have produced, thus forcing the show to go into a 2nd day.

WINNERS: Slamm and The Rock courtesy of a double swerve at 10:11.

THE LOSERS the entire paying crowd at home and in the arena at 4:12:37.

-Brian Thorn vs Kurt Angle

A 60 minute IRONMAN match for the ages. The two go after it, suplex after suplex, ankle hold then reversed, still without a single fall between them at 59:00 Angle gets a hand full of tights and rolls Thorn into a small package. Then as he tries to leave the arena and run for 59 seconds, Thorn catches him at 59:50 and lays him out on the catering table in the back and rolls back into the ring, after one double count-out makes the score 2 to 1, Thorn sprints to the ring and at 59:58 rolls in under the ten count and the time limit tying the score at 2. In the 5 minute OT, Angle rips down the shoulder straps rushes in and gives Thorn a belly to belly that scores him a pinfall at 1 minute in. Thorn in a wicked twist of events rolls through the pin and puts Angle in the ankle lock and makes him tap at 2:30. After eye gouges, punching, kicking, and a Superplex both men are out at 4 minutes in. Thron rolls over and drapes his arm over Angle and gets a 2 , both men are up and as Angle goes for the Olympic slam Thorn escapes, and in one small package it may not have been perfection, but it was damn real when Angle reverses the package.

WINNER: Angle 4-3 falls in OT at 65:00.

-The Reaper Marcus Ash vs The Sandman

The Reaper waits in the ring when it's discovered that Sandman is laid out in the parking lot. Damn you Reaper!

WINNER: The Reaper via countout at 0:12.

-Lonegunman Kevin Burke vs Taz

Talk about a lot of suplexes. This one is reversal after reversal until Taz tries to charge at Gunman and you guessed it, a shoulder into the ring post and after working down the shoulder. The Gunman puts Taz in a Torture rack where he passes out.

WINNER: The Lone Gunman via submission (TKO) at 21:13

-Crusader Arthur Sage vs Sting

After the 2 shakes hands, yuck, Crusader tries to work Sting down, has most of the upper hand for a good majority of this fight but this is Sting and even after an impressive kick out from the Scorpion Death Drop, a spalsh, and a Scorpion leg lock finishes the job.

WINNER: STING via submission at 15:34

-Pimp Daddy Pug vs Samoa Joe

Pimping ain't easy and either is Joe but this one gets off to a sluggish start after the two are called away from the Nathan's hot dog stand where they had an impromptu pre-July 4th Hot dog eating contest. No dipping the buns in water in this one, straight deep throat. Joe starts to roll with some kicks and while PDP kicks out from attempt after attempt, a mistake by PDP leads to a running power slam and the fall.

WINNER: Samoa Joe and the Nathan Hot Dog company via pinfall at 10:07.

-Threat Shane Brandon vs Triple H

The longest pre-match in the history of any wrestling event but after the intros business picks up and this grudge match becomes bloody fast. After both men hit the floor Triple H is the first to his feet and out fromt he ring comes the sledge hammer but a standing mule kick flings the hammer into H's skull and throws him over the annoucer's booth in a heap. The Threat rolls in and out to bust the count. A few choke outs with the camera wire and a chair shot or two before both men get back into the ring and H ctaches Brandon with a Lou Thesz press and hits the Pedigree but Shane kicks out. The Threat hits The Promise but Triple H kicks out. Hoss comes out, but so does Shawn Michaels and SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!!! Triple H tries another Pedigree but Brandon sneaks out and as Triple H follows Brandon hits him with some brass knuckles and finishes with another Promise.

WINNER: Brandon via pinfall and a brass knuckle sandwich at 21:13.

Nathan Benjamin vs Dean Malinko
Tiger Claw vs Ricky the Dragon Steamboat

The same exact match takes place twice, The Dragon and Malenko win via submission at 10:00.


-The Firk'n Scot vs Roddy Piper

The match never officially starts as the two meet each other at the entrance way and battle to the parking lot, knocking over every thing they can and throwing each other into every thing they can.


-Philipae vs Mick Foley

Socko, some clown squirting flowers, and Philipae gives Foley the boot when the fast ass runs out of air from chasing the clown around. Philipae hits a few power shots and hooks the leg.

WINNER: PHILIPAE via pinfall at 8:57 and Mick Foley announces right after he gets his cheap pop for thanking the city this match was in, that he will now retire for the 100th time.

-The Sentinel (origional) vs Hulk Hogan

Hogan gets manhandled for the majority of this match but in the end Hulks up, hits the boot, but wait a cramp doesn't allow him to make the pinfall. The Sentinel seizes the opportunity and rolls Hogan into a small package for the 3. Hogan goes beserk and throws a temper tantrum at ringside.

WINNER: The Sentinel via pinfall at 6:37.

-Hoser vs Shawn Michaels

Hoser runs into sweet chin music.

WINNER: Shawn Michaels at 0:13 via pinfall.

-Archangel vs Kane

The PA annouces this is a LAST MAN STANDING match. After the "who has the biggest pyro show?" ends, Archangel takes a beat down from Kane until Gabriel turns the tide with a couple chair shots and Archangel applies enough pressure to get Kane to pass out.

WINNER: Archangel via 10 count at 12:57.

-Lee F'n Todd vs Bret Hart

Can't pick anyone against the best there was, best there is, and the best there ever will be but as fate would have it Vince McMahon booked this match and Lee Todd takes the fast count.

WINNER: Lee F'n Todd via screwjob by Vincent Kennedy McMahon at 12:31.

Aspen Sage Vs Chris Jericho

Sage is game and Jericho is rusty but he knocks it off long enough to power up a lionsault and get the 3 count.

WINNER: Chris Jericho via pinfall at 9:11.


-Better than Jesus Gary Frat vs Andre the Giant

For once a PPV has been overbooked and they have to get to the finish fast. Andre can't be slammed so BTJ does the next best thing he slams in the family jewels with a Ric Flair like low blow but he aimed to high and hit the fatty part of the belly. Andre ragdolls BTJ until a headbutt drops Frat and a spalsh finishes him.

WINNER: Andre The Giant via pancake at 5:45.